REI

It’s Monday and I’m still feeling the repercussions of my weekend. I went to REI Friday night for their annual sale. I hesitated on splurging, but on Friday I could no longer hold in the temptations. I felt like a kid in that store, it was like Toys R Us for adults. With an overly enthusiastic staff by my side, my friend and I stayed for 2+ hours in that store. We started with a back pack. The associate measured my torso and searched for a back pack that was most suitable for my purpose. We ended up with the Gregory Deva 60 for women, touted as the "best women's weekend pack" in the 2003 Backpacker Magazine Gear Guide! It was also on sale for a great price! It's designed with three ways to pack my bag, top loading, front panel access and bottom access to get to the main compartment. It's about 3200 cubic inches in volume and weighs at app. 5lb.

I then stepped over to look at tents and the associate couldn’t stop smiling as he explained all the different features on their selections. I think he was getting more excited about me getting a tent than I was. I stood there a good 30 minutes after because I’m so indecisive and finally picked up the North Face Tadpole 23. "An ultralight two-person tent with Fusion Pitch for fast packin, ideal for adventurers who value performace and efficiency" Sounds perfect for me. Weighing at about 4lb 6oz, I'm going to have lots of fun with Tadpole this summer.
The tent is also very cute. The associate must have thought I was retarded for picking out a tent because “it’s so cute”. I felt pretty stupid saying that too, but shoot, it IS cute. I even picked up the foot print for the tent too.


Set up in the kitchen

The next step was to look for a sleeping mat! Luckily, I already have a sleeping bag and didn’t need to drop more dough for that. Two hours later with the back pack on my shoulder the same associate helped me pick up an REI sleeping pad and I used my 20% off coupon for it. He continued to smile and asked me what else I needed, “a sleeping bag? Have one already? How about a stove?” I didn’t get a stove, but I did learn a little about them. I continued shopping around and picked up a pair of running socks. I have a pair of hiking socks and I feel like I’m walking on clouds with them on. So I was really curious how these running socks will pan out. So with a new back pack, a tent, a sleeping pad, pair of socks and a big hole in my wallet I was in friggin’ heaven. It was 8:45pm when we stepped out of REI. They close at 8pm. Had I stayed there longer I probably would have picked up a stove, a towel, a head lamp, food, bug spray, water filter, omg I’m getting all excited just thinking of all that.
After REI all I wanted to do was go home, pitch my tent and sleep in it. But instead we went for dinner at this French restaurant called Le Pot au Feu at Menlo Park. Great place, good food, we ordered dessert too and I ate it all, go figure. I was too tired and full to set up my tent after that, so on Sat. after work and errands that was the first thing I did. I could help but burst out in little giggles as I set up each pole, and I dove right in it when the tent was up! I would have slept in it that night except that I was going to Bay to Breakers the following day and wanted a good night’s sleep.

Bay to Breakers was really fun. I can’t believe it’s only 7.5 mi from Embarcadero to Ocean beach! Considering how long it takes to drive the distance you’d think it’s 20 miles apart! We tried to run the whole thing, but it was hard when the crowd was a mix of runner and walkers. There was a lot of stop and go on our part and that made it really hard to keep up the endurance. There was one float that says “Michael Jackson’s Child Day Care” and some guy dressed as Michael Jackson on it. Lots of people in costumes and naked men as usual. There were DJ’s and bands playing along the streets, it was really festive and impressive to see so many people up partying and walking on a Sunday morning! Next year I'll arrive earlier and run the whole thing. But untill then, I plan on puting some good mileage on my new toys. I can't wait to go camping.

And I've learned

It is already May. Already a year since....

After reading a few blogs I'm brought back to thoughts of where I am in life. I made a conscious decision to just enjoy life after I graduate. Or you can say I consciously made an excuse to drop my ambition and be a lazy ass. No regrets. Though, I have already gotten comfortable living off the lint in my pocket and am in dire need of getting my ass in gear. An old college friend called me out of the blue the other day. I told him my situation and his response was "what happened to you?" What happened to me?

When encouraging YN the potentials of being down here, I was reminded of all the nights I cried when I first moved down. Sobbing silently in that small tatami room. The sliding doors and plastic panels replacing the traditional paper sheets offered little privacy between my room and the living room. For 3 months I covered my head as I struggled to admit I missed my mom just like I did in kindergarten camp, my first night away from home. Every kid slept peacefully after our teacher’s good night kiss, and I continued to lay awake on the top bunk-bed after she tried to comfort me. She said I could call mom and go home, but I toughed it out (or might have just passed out, I could have been narcoleptic back then too).

Five years later, this city has shaped me in ways that home never could have done. The biggest change started with my old roommate DG. She exuded a confidence that I haven’t seen in anyone else. After living with her for 3 years I opened my mind to do things I was too shy to do. To be the dork only my family see’s. I tune into music I once thought was a waste of airtime. I simply became comfortable in my own skin. I grew stronger. I don’t think home could have pulled that out of me. People seem more concerned about their image up there.

So, reading what life after 30 wrote in her blog....I too have learned a few things...
I’ve learned that time will not stop when I sob in self pity.
I’ve learned that I can be more decisive when I’m honest with myself.
I’ve learned that whatever obstacle comes my way I always make it across whether stumbling or with ease.
I’ve learned how open minded, kind, generous, unconditionally loving people can be.
I’ve learned that the truth may hurt, but lies hurt much more.
I’ve learned that I may be a procrastinator, but I’m not a quitter.

Sadly,
I’ve learned that love doesn’t last forever. No matter how deep, I still move on.
I’ve learned that money does matter, that grandma was right, love will not feed my hunger.
I’ve learned how selfish, deceitful, judgmental, conniving people can be.
I’ve learned to be doubtful, cautious, guarded.

Keane

They’re HERE. KEANE is coming to Oakland this Friday. Ever since I heard their hit song “somewhere only we know” I was glued to their Album for months. I liked it so much that I put it on repeat on my drive down to Irvine then again on the way up. 12 hrs of non-stop Keane. That was back in December and I’ve been hoping they would come to the Bay Area. For those of you who have never heard of them, they sound like Cold Play but more upbeat. As one friend pointed out, Keane is pretty mellow so I'm not sure how their concert would be. It's not like I can get out of my seat and start dancing or singing at the top of my lungs. It's on a Friday night, I might just pass out!!

While I’m on the subject of music. I have to admit I like Kelly Clarkson. There’s just something weird about admitting I like the American Idol, but every time her song “since you’ve been gone” comes on the radio I can’t help but crank up the volume and rock-out!

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get what I want
Since you been gone

I'd also like to introduce my latest new fav. Anna Nalick. I first heard her in concert last year and her album finally released this year.

Big Al's

After reading Van's blog about her first police report and perverts, I was reminded of an incident when I stepped into Big Al's on Broadway and Columbus. I was checking out their wall collection of um...big stuff. I took notice of a few products that impressed me with shear size and stood there in awe when I noticed from the corner of my eyes a man in his50's standing three feet to my left staring at the wall too. I felt uncomfortable that we were looking at the same products, maybe? So I kinda froze and just stood there, then I glanced over to see why he wasn't moving and dang, the man was wanking off in the middle of the store, Hand in his pants and all! I guess those peep shows in the back just didn't do it for him that he had to stare at plastic packaged parts.

Let there be light

I went to IKEA Sunday night and picked up roman blinds to block out the morning light. I was so excited with my new purchase that I rushed home during my Tuesday lunch just to install it. The blinds worked fabulously. And it was cheap!! I slept so well that I was late for work. Then an hour after I got into work, PG&E turned off the power to our office as promised a week ago. We were left in the dark till 12pm, just when I was ready to leave for lunch. An hour after I returned, some “professional” electrician blew a fuse and left us in the dark again from 3pm till I left the office. I basically spent the whole day in the dark, walking around the office with candles. It was definitely not my usual day. Everyone sat around and played with their thumbs.

Now I’m off to bed and loving the idea of sleeping till the alarm goes off instead of being woken up by the morning light.

Death and Taxes

Kill me now.

I proudly walked into my room at 2:30pm yesterday all mentally prepared to do my taxes. Good HD, you remembered!!
Then I searched through my desk, lifted papers, dust flying everywhere and I CAN'T FIND MY W2 form! grrr....

Daily work (by Astrology.com)Don't let those deadlines or milestones worry you too much. Work will progress at its own pace, and you'll just have to adjust when the time comes.

I found my W2 form mixed with my junk mail pile, hm... how did it get there? OK I started using TurboTax online to file my Federal, but when done, I owed money! So I re-did it to itemize and the thing starts lagging and freezing! I tried and tried and did laundry and ate cookies 'cuz I was so frustrated and FINALLY I QUIT!

ok, let's go with HR Block instead. I still owe tax, fine, on with the state taxes. I turned on my bedroom lights, it was starting to get dark by now. State Taxes DONE! and I owe $$ again. Just Fabulous.

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Most of the time, your main focus is other people. You concentrate on what they like, what makes them happy and how to please them -- because doing that makes you happy, too. For the next couple of weeks, however, you'll be far more interested in financial matters, and you have every right to turn your attention in that direction, too. You need to take care of a certain matter that's had you absolutely stumped. Ask for help if you need it

anybody wanna gimme money?

7:30pm taxes e-filed, ...Must hit the gym NOW.

Last Day

She did it, she threw her resignation letter at BOSS’ face and screamed “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE” Then continued to work her last two weeks. Today is Mag’s last day. I’ve never seen Mag so happy before. For the last two weeks she’s been walking in with this radiant aura around her. Copy machine doesn’t work? she doesn’t care. Computer crashes she laughs. She was exceedingly happy today that she even filed.. EVERYTHING. Oh, don’t forget the X-rays. I’m so sad she’s leaving. Not only will I miss our daily chit chats about anything and everything, she has done worse than just quitting, she will be working for the ENEMY! One day I might have to walk up to her office and shout “just pay up will ya?” of course, I’d take IL with me for back-up. Aye.. work will never be the same.

procrastinating

I'm procrastinating. I have to write a speech for Toastmasters tomorrow and I can't think of what to write, instead, I suddenly have lots to blog about. The other night while stuck at Blush just to get a drink, YN and I were approached by little boys trying to dance to us. She was surprised, I know they don't do that much in Vancouver, but guys aren't shy around here. The distgust on her face was priceless. I was buzzed, I didn't care when little Ming offered to get us drinks. Crown shots, yelled YN. Little Ming was wasted after that. He was a nice boy YN and I conversed on our way home. Kinda cute too, half Chinese, half white. What was a real turn on, though, was when he started talking to me in perfect Mandarin. WOW. I was impressed. I think I'd like to date a guy I can speak mandarin with. Parents would love that too! heck, they want me to go back to Taiwan and get married or something. They're always hinting that i'm wasting my time here and Taiwan is so great and so and so just got married to some doctor/lawyer/government offical who's family is the ranking blah blah of Taiwan and blah blah blah. wonderful, i'm sure they love eachother very much.

divorce

What a glorious morning. Tuesday mornings without THE BOSS. Our early morning conversation started with husbands that are soon to be X-husbands and the pains of going through a divorce. I've seen so many divorces in this city, divorce has simply become an expensive break up. Of course no one gets married with the expectation of divorcing later on. Like wise, I'm sure no one get involved in a committed relationship with the expectation of breaking up either. The financial component of a divorce is the biggest issue in our conversation. Some couples feel that they should share one account. Just one joint account and no separate individual ones. As a couple, partners, a team, it is unnecessary to carry your own separate account. The two of you are as one. That sounds pretty sweet, for better or worse, you sink or swim together. From my personal experience, I wouldn't bet my life on sharing a joint credit card. A joint savings account for the bills, probably, but not a card! Especially not after seeing what my girlfriend is going through. This doesn't imply I'm anticipating a divorce should I get married (at this rate, never), and am preparing to avoid the financial complications. To me, having my own account also gives me the freedom to buy personal items without consulting my partner. Nor would I feel taken advantage of if my other half suddenly lavishes on expensive new toys because he's going through a mid life crisis or whatever. It's you/my money, do what you want, but the pot we share in between is for the family. Credit cards? Keep them separate. I’m sure things aren’t as simple as I think, I'm not even sure why I'm giving this so much thought. With life as it is now I'd die happy a single woman. But of course, being a Libran I have to see the flip side of the coin ie. Anna Nicole Smith. nuff said.

Horoscope

I check my horoscope randomly on my.yahoo, sometimes it hits the spot, sometimes it serves as a reminder of how silly I am to even take this stuff seriously. I usually take the applicable advices and ponder on them for a few moments. But today's advice really hits the spot.

Around the 1st, the new month could bring a couple of 'authority issues' with it. Authority issues? Yep, that's right. Authority issues, as in, you really, really hate taking stupid orders. As in, you feel like you could do your boss' job about a hundred times better then they do it. As in, maybe it's time for you to move on from your current workspace. Why not spend the 2nd getting your resume together? If nothing else, it's a good way to look at where you've been and what you've learned, and it'll help you think about where you might want to go next. On the 5th and 6th, your daydreams about the future need to go on the back burner while you put your head down and finish up a few projects. But don't abandon those old daydreams. (Where, after all, do you think reality comes from?) Come back to them on the 13th and bounce them off a good friend or two. What do they think about your idea to start your own design business/rhubarb pie stand/legal advice hotline?

How do these psychics know? There must be a gazillion Librans out there! Are they all going through the same thing? doh. Time to stop dragging ass. Gotta get myself out of here. Knowing myself, I won't get anything done till a year later. sheesh.

This office seems to be getting smaller and smaller. ML left last week and Mag is leaving next week. I feel like I"m in the twilight zone and people are starting to suspiciously disappear. Except, I know the cause, and it's THE BOSS. Enough about work.

Running has come to a decisive halt this week. Dr's orders, my own orders. I injured my left achilles a few weeks ago by forcing myself through a few sprints to up my speed. I continued doing short runs and now I walk with a limp. What a dumb ass, I should practice what I preach. But running becomes addictive, especially when you can easily overcome the ankle pain after a 10 minute warm up. Which, is what I've been doing up till Sunday. I went for a 20 min jog with YN. "But I won't be able to keep up" whines YN, don't worry, with my limp we'll be at the same speed. She didn't like my comment. I can't wait for this thing to heal though. I've been searching through some running magazines and I'm really hoping to be ready for the Big Sur marathon October 1st. can I run for 4+hours? that's kinda boring.

Firing Range

I went to the firing range for the first time last night. They have half price ladies night on Mondays. Ladies night at a firing range? I was expecting to see what TV shows present. People standing in stalls all looking serious with seemingly perfect stances and perfect aim. Instead, I was greeted with a crowd of young 21+ year old Chinese kids, pale skinny looking boys with gelled up hair, accompanied by pale skinny flat-ironed long haired girls chatting in Cantonese. I was really taken back by the age of the crowd. Shouldn’t they be doing homework on a Monday night? Go drink some beer or something. I can’t believe how easy it is to mess around with hand guns in this country.

I handed over my BC drivers, “does she know how to use a gun?” yes said CB, I gave a puzzled look then looked back down, I guess I’ve used a gun, water gun, BB-gun, pellet gun, paintball??? I gave my signature, put in my ear plugs and put on my protective eye wear then we stepped into the shooting room.

I immediately broke into a sweat at the sound of guns firing. It seems to shake the whole room and you can smell gun powder in the air. We slipped into stall #3. Each stal was divided by a concrete wall and people were shooting adjacent to us. I was scared shitless. I wanted to leave but was too scared to even leave the stall again. It was a strange feeling, it’s not like they’re going to turn around and shoot me, but the thought that bullets were flying in the room and shells ejecting everywhere made me feel vulnerable. Or it might have been the thought that I was in the same room as 21yr kids messing around with guns. CB was loading his gun. I kept close to the concrete wall covering my ears. I could feel the shooting from the guy next to us. By this time I was sweating as much as I do after a 6 mi run. The sound of guns firing endlessly was overwhelming. CB handed me the gun, I stared back blankly and shook my head. So he took the first few shots trying to explain to me what to do, but I could barely hear over the guns firing and the ear plug. Finally, I took my turn and was pleasantly (I’m being sarcastic here) surprised to learn that should I need to shoot someone standing 15 feet away, I can do some serious damage. Not that I can shoot them between the eyes, but it is somewhat unsettling to experience how easy it is to hit a body. It wasn't hard pulling the trigger either, which means you can easily miss fire a gun if the safety isn't on. I did a few more rounds and we started working on target practice. Suddenly I felt like I was at the driving range. My bullets had a tendency to veer to one direction, just like my golf balls did.


Target Practice 

I spoke to Mag this morning about it, she laughed at the idea of a ladies night at a firing range. Is that supposed to be an angry X-girlfriend stress relief night? Where you can bring a blown up picture of your X-man and use it as target practice? I don’t think that’ll be a good idea. I'd hate to be the one standing next to an angy chick with a loaded gun. Let's stick to the gym and desserts.

March Madness

March is coming to an end and looking back on all my weekends, this was the best month ever. All the weekend trips and snowboarding!! That is a big deal because ever since I moved from Vancouver I've been missing all the weekend skiing/boarding I used to do. So a quick count, Kirkwood, Alpine, Brighton-Utah, Snowbird-Utah, Las Vegas partying , Napa getting wasted (after one winery, how sad). I also went to a Persian wedding which was very eventful. I got to see all my chiro friends who I've lost touch with since graduation. We all sat a the same table and talked about... what else? chiro doh. We got to the reception at 6:30pm as indicated on the invitation, but the event did not start till 9pm!! shoot, talk about being late!

With all that weekend-fun my running came to a screaching halt. My plan of increasing 1 mile per week seemed to have reversed from 7 mi to an average of 6 miles. In addition, I nearly killed my left Achilles last weekend by trying to squeeze in 6 miles on a treadmill in less than an hour. It didn’t happen, my ankle was hurting and my right ITB was aching. I ended up limping my way home. Smart move Head Dump. I think it's time to join a running group.

I don't do drugs

So yesterday while passing by eachother and making small talk we started "joking" around. You know, those dry pretencious jokes that have absolutely no substance? then I gave my Oscar winning laugh. So fake. The he blurts "Have you ever done drugs?" No, oh Nnooooooooo, I wouldn't even have the slightest clue where to get them if I wanted some. "you know, that's very rare, most people have done drugs, I never tried it either!" I don't know why he brought up this subject again. Boss does it at the most random moments, constantly picking my history to see if I've tried anything. Is it even any of his business? Is it? And if I have, does he really think I'll tell my buddy Boss that I have? sheesh.

smoke this

Of all the habits for me to pick up, why oh why does smoking have to be one of them? I used to hate the smell of smoke. It would irritate me to the point that I'd get snappy. Then I slowly got used to it, then I would try it now and then. Then I'd smoke socially, but social smoking didn't last long when I found out I'd pass out within a matter of seconds if I was drinking at the same time. Now, I stand outside the front door late at night and enjoy a smoke when I have a bad day, which seems to be nearly everyday.

and you know my name is Simon

There's these childhood songs that I frequently hum.. usually starts off unconsciously out of the blue for whatever reason. "Simon" is one of them, and I'm not even sure if i've got the lyrics right since I was still speaking Chinglish at that time. I remember I used to sing to Casper too when I was a kid. "Casper the friendly ghost lala lala la la la... (repeat x 10)" I didn't know the words to that either, and the singing would be cut short everytime the evil sisters poked fun of my English 'cuz I couldn't finish the song. Biatches... you guys were the adopted ones!!

Then there's this other one which I have no idea where I got it from, and I can never remember how it goes when I want to. It's something that just comes out of me, usually when I'm in a good mood. Most of the time I hum it when I'm at home or when I'm day dreaming. I won't even realize I'm huming until I stop and silence takes over. Then I'd try to hum it again and I CAN'T! I CAN'T remember how it goes. sheesh.

that's all I wanted to say, thank you for reading.

oh oh oh, I get Saturday the 26th off, Boss' Wife decided to give us a day off since it's Easter weekend. yayayayay More snowboarding!!! More drinking Friday night.

happy birthday Joe

This blog is for the healthiest, most energetic 83 year old I know. He turned 83 yesterday and at 5’6 and 155lb, he’s in better shape than a lot of the guys I know in their 20s. He’s amazingly lean for his age (again, leaner than most 20 year olds I know) and remains cognizant of everything I explain to him. (mmm.. also smarter than most boys I know)
His hobbies include walking and gardening. He wakes up early every morning to help the ladies around his neighborhood with their gardens. He says with a slight Japanese accent "the ladies are too old and have trouble maintaining their lawns so (he) likes to help them out." He comes in early in the morning from Half Moon Bay with dirt still in his finger nails. He’s always well dressed and always smiling. Aside from the use of hearing aids and arcus senilis in his eyes I can only hope to be as healthy, active and alert as him when I reach 83. If you’re wondering why he came in if he’s healthy? Well, some shingles fell on his head about 20 years ago and he’s had an achy left shoulder since then. He’s been to several doctors, physical therapists, acupuncturists, chiropractors and hasn’t found much relief. So, here’s a little shameless plug on my part. I said to Joe on his second visit, “I haven’t had one shoulder problem I haven’t been able to take care of.” Then I thought to myself.. dear god, please don’t him be my first. After two visits he tells me he can finally sleep better at night and I’m his favorite doctor!! YAY! I love you too Joe!

itsy bitsy spider

I drove out of my gym's parking garage this afternoon, making a left to the stop light as I've done several times before. I waited at the stop light wondering whether this time I'll be able to make it past the second set of lights and drive directly onto the freeway. Then I see the small brown spider on my windshield crawling up towards the roof of the car. I lean forward to observe it "damn, it's on the inside" The light turns green, oh shit, I stepped on the peddle while looking for something to kill it with and keeping a close eye on that sucker, and oh, the road, the road, must look at the road. I had to act fast before it craws to the top and starts hanging down in front of me, teasing me, or worse yet, on top of my head weaving a web into my hair. I stopped at the following red light, I don't care to hit the green on this trip. I must act fast before the light changes. I found a piece of paper and smacked it against the windshield, always using more force than needed. Then I ran my other hand up and down the paper to make sure it's flat, so that sucker is not just dead, but it's REALLY dead.. as in, it's not going to craw onto your hand dead. I've done this enough times to know that you must smack harder than need to, double it up with an extra hit or that thing, whatever that thing is, will come alive!

Ok, mission accomplished, paper placed on the side to be thrown away, green light in front of me, I"m ready to go back to work. Then a flash of memory occured, DK in the drivers seat, covering his head with his hooded sweatshirt at the mere mention of 'spider'. How is he going to take care of a situation like this? Pull over?

starch spray

I finally tried using starch sprays when ironing my shirts. I can't believe the difference it makes, espeically on cotton shirts! It practically makes the shirt new again! The colour shines brighter and it definitely takes out those little wrinkles that never seem to go away, no matter how hard you press down. For 99 cents a can, that's the best buy I made from Target.

testing hello

So Tine' was telling about using Hello to post pictures on to Blog. She said it was easy. So I was all excited and looked into it several times. But the site had information relating to sales of drugs rather than anything about pictures. So I figured I'd ask Tine when I see her. Then I'd forget to ask her by the time I got home. A few weeks later I would ask her again. Same words..."you have to download it from Hello, it's easy" I'd go into their site and once again, it's the drug stuff. Finally, at work I emailed her. "Tine, this happy.com stuff isn't working out"

I have no idea how hello translated to Happy from the moment I stepped out of the house to the minute I stepped into work. Anyhow, a month later, I think I got it down. I had to find a picture to post.. I thought this one was funny, 'cuz I was drunk, sleepy and...



I look like shit

Cards and letters

I used to keep all my notes, cards, even my agenda and calendars from highschool. Finally I moved and I painstakingly forced myself to toss away most of my high school notes from friends, love letters and old birthday, Christmas etc. cards. It was time to toss those agendas and calendars too. I just had an odd habit of keeping a close timeline of the things I did. I used to write down everything I did daily! I'd flip back on my calendar and think " oh wow, I got menstrual cramps that day, how wonderful." I still keep notes from ex-boyfriends and all those little things; those were a little too sentimental to throw away. I also save things from my parents and sister (Grace). But with each passing birthday and Christmas and whatever other day’s people decide to hand you a card, they do accumulate and take up space. Eventually my size 6.5 shoebox simply can’t bear another Hallmark holiday. I feel awful throwing away cards. People do take time searching for the perfect card (someone elses words) to express their feelings. But at the same time, I don’t have space for your feelings. Ouch, that’s harsh. Can I place an expiration date on feelings? Like, if it was received 3 years ago, can it be tossed? Or maybe 1 month ago? Or yesterday? How long is one supposed to keep them for? I must admit, I do keep things from those closer to me, mostly loved ones. But am I disrespecting someone by throwing away his or her cards too early (what’s early)? Let’s take The Boss for example. His shit goes in the trash faster than I can read it. But that’s ‘cuz his wishes usually come on a scrap piece of paper he pulled out of the recycling bin folded in half. Ok, that’s not true, but it’s not far from it.