Pushed

For the most part I've always been the pusher in the relationship. Trying to push it to the next level. Pushing for more attention, pushing for more affection, pushing for more of everything.

Then at one point or another I push too hard and all goes to hell. Inevitably, the harder I push the worse I make things.

This time I'm being pushed. It's suffocating, it’s pressuring, it’s unwelcoming, it's irritating. Now I see how pushing a relationship can push it apart. No one wants to be pushed.

Shaughn

I think it was 1995 when Brenda ,Celia and I snuck off to Surrey and picked up a Labrador Retriever from a breeder. We didn't let mom know, she didn't want a dog because of the extra burden.
Our new pup had a special colour that normal labs don't possess. He's not your usual black, chocolate or white lab. He was fox red. Well, a few months later we learned that he's a lab-cross, not purebred, that's probably why his colour was *speical* doh.....

We were searching for a good dog name but Celia said not to give him a doggy name "if you're going to treat him as a dog then you shouldn't have gotten him" (Brenda and I didn't comment on that, she must've been on something) So, we named him Shaughn , after Shaughnessy. Shaughn is the cutest dog in the world. He's a huge brat, incredibly smart, which makes him a bigger brat.

When mom came home we strategically told her we bought Shaughn as her birthday gift. She frowned and said no, take him back. She didn't want to clean up after him, take care of him etc. But we said we would do all that. She said no, who's friend does this dog belong to? Mom wouldn't touch him, she didn't want to hold him, her eyebrows grew closer and closer together. "Take him back" were the only words coming out of her.

It took a little convincing for her to realize that Shaughn is here to stay. The next morning mom had Shaughn in the kitchen and was playing with him. We pulled out our camera and she proceeded to hug him for poses. And yes, she became the care giver, feeding him, walking him etc. oops, well, we were all at work and in school, so she just ended up taking care of him.

In Shaughn's younger years we'd let him play in the yard during the day and he would perch on top of our stone fence, sitting very still watching people walk by. The tall bushes behind him and his stillness almost camouflages him. Most of the time people don't even notice him there and walk right on by. Occasionally Shaughn would let out a startling bark and scare the crap out of people. Sometimes I'd catch all of this from the inside, get a good laugh, run out and appologize then bring him to the back. But one day while I was doing dishes I heard Shaughn whining. It was intense and it didn't sound like he was just seeking attention. I ran out and found him on his side. His head was arched back and legs stretched out in spasm. I ran to him and saw his eyes buldging staring into space, he looked like he was in pain. I started to cry and I didn't know what to do, no one else was home. I tried to pet him but his body started to convulse. I called the vet and they told me to bring him in, but I couldn't carry a 50 lb dog, they were of no help and I never went back to that vet. I thought he was going to die right there. A few minutes later he came to, took a poop and ran towards me wagging his tail. I gave him a big hug. That was the first time I saw Shaughn in seizure.


Shake paw Shaughn


Shaughn continued to have occasional seizures since then, but a few days ago he had a two hour seizure that continued into a different kind of seizure. My sisters described him to be paddling and panting on his side for an hour and a half. This all stopped when the vet gave him a shot. He stayed in the hospital for 2 nights and now he's back home, but crippled and with undetermined neurological damage. His motor skills have deteriorated. He can't get up on 4's and can't feed himself. He has to be carried out to pee and poo and food has to be brought to his mouth. He's also suffered damages to other parts of his organs and is currently under intense care. He's scheduled for a neurological exam and is taking a long list of medications. His medical bills are daunting and will only get worse.

We can only hope Shaughn will recover and be able to walk again. When you've had a pet for so long, they become family and it's especially hard for Brenda since she's been the one taking care of him for the past years.

So this blog is for my Shaughn Shaughn.
 

another "this is life" blog

I feel like I've been living the same day 365 times. My life has come to a stand still. Nothing is changing and I'm breathing stagnant air day in day out. I travel the same roads 6 days a week. I used to pride myself being a creature of habit. Wake up, eat breakfast, leave for work, work out at lunch, return to work, go home, eat dinner, chores and sleep. I liked it stress free, simple, relaxing, NO DRAMA. Now, I'm desparately searching for an exit. I'm not seeking entertainment changes in my life, not new hobbies or sports or weekend excursions. Frankly, I'm not sure what it is I am looking for. Maybe that's why I'm standing in still water.

Occasionally I converse with my friends about how uninspiring my life has become. Then I usually get a sigh, followed by "that's life", "that's what life is about", "c'est la vie" sure, use a different language, that sounds better.

Don't tell me that. This cannot be my life. I'd be quicker to gouge my eye out with a spoon than let this be my life. (Best keep HD away from spoons)

A smart advice I received from a jack ass long time ago was to consider the source of the advice. A little ironic here. He's a jack ass but not stupid. So, I was talking to jack ass about making career moves and mentioned how some people told me not to make certain moves while others encouraged it. Then he looked at me and said "well, my young grasshopper, are the people who discouraged the action successful or not? and are the people who encouraged you successful or not?"

Then I thought, did Bai Mei just called me grasshopper?

I probably got to this stage because of all the relationship changes I'm seeing around me. I've been single for some time now and knew of only one other girl who's single, and she's all the way in NY! Then suddenly singles are appearing again and I'm half excited and half reminded of the agony I went through a year ago. We've all gone through breakups before, but why is it everytime we go through it, it hurts just as bad as the first time?

VN told me that I should know if he is the one after dating for 6 months. She's 4 years above me and told me this when I was 22. I was dating her brother at the time for 5 years and I thought she was crazy. I don't think she meant for us to break-up, but was giving me advice should I date in the future. Her idea was not to waste time. Dating is like an investment. If he/she isn't the one and you keep daiting, then you're wasting time. I think about what she said all the time. So here I am dating this guy wondering if I'm wasting his time. We don't know where we're heading and sometimes we feel we're hitting a wall too.

For the past year my focus was just to keep myself occupied. Do something, keep busy, but I never directed myself to get somehwere.

It's time to move on, but I don't know where to go and I've gotten so comfortable sitting in this puddle of mud that I'm actually kind of scared.

Lake Mendocino

Beer never tasted so good and camping is unhealthy.

On Saturday CB and I packed up my car with a new tent and awesome camp chairs costing only $8/ea. courtesy of Target. I ran through my checklist then we headed North towards Mendocino County 2 hours away.

We arrived a little past noon, pitched our tent next to two neighbours. These people have tents big enough to call a house. All they're missing are some hinges for for their doors and glass windows. These things are huge! While tent shopping, CB and I even came acroos a tent for 8 people, dividable into separate rooms with an addition den for your DOG! The dog even gets its' own entrace!



After working up a sweat we headed straight to the lake. There, we baked in a 100deg weather trying to cool off with what little water we carried with us. Slowly, more people gathered then a man situated himself about 5 feet away with a lawn chair. He pulls out a pack of smokes and cracks open a bottle of beer and leaned back into his chair. I eyed his beer and without much hesitation we headed back to retrieve some of our own. Our beer was still slightly frozen which was perfect. The little floating iceberg kept my beer cold as I layed next to the lake. In that hot weather and an icy cold beer, I've never tasted anything better.

We headed back to camp after cooling off in the lake and started a fire for dinner.
Then someone started blasting country music a few camp sites away. I was really irritated at how inconsiderate they are, so CB pulled out his boom box and blasted R&B and Hip Hop. LOL, no he didn't but that would have been funny.

Dinner is when it starts to get unhealthy. We pulled out 2 pounds of Korean BBQ marinated the night before, about 4 pieces of chicken breast and some bacon wrapped peaches. I thought we brought way too much food for just the two of us, but with a couple of more beers, a bottle of Johnny Walker for CB, a few hits, the food was gone by the end of the night. I also cleared half a bag of marshmallows, which is a must have whenever a camp fire is around. I like to roast my marshmallows until they torch then blow it out. It's the most carcinogenic thing I can do, it looks nasty too, but the taste of burnt sugar is oh soooo good.



Right after dinner we drove into town to get some more ice which ruined the mood a little. That's the problem with car camping. You're often so close to some town that you wonder maybe you should just have dinner in town instead of firing up a grill. This one time camping in Vancouver, I was so close to home I was tempted to just drive home to shower up then drive back, or drive home, shower, sleep, then go back.

Before taking off, the neighbours' Golden Retriever, Barry (I think that's his name) must've loved the smell of our food because he'd come over all the time and sniff around the trees. Then I caught the dog taking two huge poops. I tried to shoosh him away to poop closer to his own camp site, but instead the poor dog assumed poop position and straddled to another poop site closer to our tent and remained constipated there. After he unloaded I walked over to the owners to let them know. Which made me realize. With these dogs walking around in long leashes, it's easy for the owners to be unaware/ or pretend to be unaware of their dogs' doo doo. Which means.... watch your step.

Anyhow, we spent the rest of the night chilling by the fire listenting to music then at one point CB woke me up from the chair telling me to go inside to sleep. I think I might have mumbled something about sleeping out there all night because it was so warm and the chair was comfy.

Breakfast.
4 chicken apple sausages, more bacon, 2 English muffins each and Starbucks Mocha Frappucino. The fire was still burning after we finished breakfast, so I proceeding to take the next logical step. Roast more marshmallows.


Now that's a weekend well spent, doing absolutely nothing but sitting around and vegging.

The longest History

Doctor: Good afternoon Mrs. Sanchez, I noticed on your intake form you mentioned your neck is bothering you.

Mrs. Sanchez: oh, my neck has been bothering me for sometime, it's not really bad but it's always there.

Dotor: ok, so when did you start to notice it?

Mrs. Sanchez: It's not very painful but it's just there, you know? It's like somethings always poking me there but it doesn't hurt too much, but I'm concerned, you know, I don't know what to do about it. (Mrs. Sanchez rubs her neck) it feels tight. (Mrs. Sanchez turns her head side to side) Do you think it's old age?

Doctor: Do you recall having a specific accident?

Mrs. Sanchez: I don't think so (looks around thinking). It hurts from up here to here and when I sleep, I sometimes wake up because it's bothering me.

Doctor: (interrupts) ok, so when did you first noticed this?

Mrs. Sanchez: oh, it's been some time this tightness in my neck...

Doctor: (interrupts) was it a month ago, one year ago, two years ago?

Mrs. Sanchez: It's just very tight and sometimes it goes down to my back (points to her lower back), I think it's a pinched nerve or something. Or maybe it's just muscle, do you think it's just muscle?

Doctor: Mrs. Sanchez, I need to know how old this injury is. When did you first notice this? Last week? A few months ago? A year ago? two years ago?

Mrs. Sanchez: It's always been there (rubbing her neck)it's just tight...

Doctor: Was it a year ago?

***(repeat x3, 3 min later)*****

Mrs. Sanchez: oh maybe 3 years, then 2 years ago it got worse and now it really bothers me.

Doctor: Thank you. (scribble)

Hearst Castle

I took a trip to Hearst Castle in San Simeon. I've been meaning to go there since I moved down. So CB rented a convertible and we cruised down Hwy 1 on a sunny afternoon. The drive was beautiful and the warm weather just topped it off. But haven't you noticed that no matter how nice the view is, after an incredibly long drive, it loses it's appeal.


Hwy 1

Hearst Castle was ok. I wasn't sure what to expect. It's called a castle so I was expecting to see something resembling European architect. It turns out to be what I would describe as several large houses built on the same plantation with a Lego of unmatching artifacts from different parts of Europe, even Egypt. Hearst definetly hired a fine architect to build his dream, but the design was... inconsistent. However, the sheer size of that place and its' view was impressive.
the Neptune pool surrounded by white marble pillars.
. Casa Del Sol, 18 room guest house .Casa Grande

Pillsbury Toaster Strudel

yummy!!

I'm not a big fan of junk food or fast food or frozen food and stuff like that. Good Desserts are an exception: cookies, cakes, pies, ice cream, chocolates have made their way as part of my food groups. But there are just some things that don't appeal to me such as chips and dips, nachos, frozen food, twinkies and stuff alike, fast food, fries, anything fried except for tempura, candies, chocolate bars (unless i'm PMSing) etc.

I was starving last night because I had to stay a little later at work, so I hopped over to Target to grab something quick and the RED sale sign for the Pillsbury Toaster Strudel caught my eyes. It was only $1.70 for a box of 6 strudels. I figured I haven't tried any of this stuff in years so I got a box of chocolate strudels and egg/ham/cheese. I popped them in the toaster and oh my god.. they were good. The strudel was smaller than my palm and with 200 calories and 10 grams of fat no wonder they were good. AND CHEAP. I can see how easy it is for people to just live off this stuff. The strudel was so flakey it was as if I just pulled it out of the deep fryer.

I'm trying to pawn it off to my co-workers now so I don't develop an affinity for them.

Home sweet Home

I couldn't wait to climb the mountains and lay on the beach the minute I stepped out of the airport. It's been some years since I've seen Vancouver basking in sun and ever so green. I sat outside on the departure level, as usual, waiting for my ride. I never mind waiting for my pick up. It gives me a chance to create a check list of everything I want to do. First things first, get my hair done.

That night I went for Japanese food with my sister. I saved no hesitation to dog down everything my stomach would allow me to. It was absolutly delicious. Then we went down town for Gelati. I like gelato, but I was disappointed to find the whole city turn into a dichotomoous menu of Starbucks and gelato. I like learning of new places that has opened since I've been gone, but I'd hardly consider "oh look another Starbucks" something new.

Friday morning I drove up to Cypress with my weekday companion, Shaughn. He keeps me company when everyone is at work. We went on a rather disappointing hike. there's a lot of still water up there so there were more mosquitos than I would like. We walked around for about 40 minutes and Shaughn jumped into a few pools of water and that's when I called it quits. I took him down to Kits beach instead where we ran from Vanier Park to Point Grey. He collapsed on to his stomach on the way back. Apparently too hot and tired for the day. I felt so bad for my four legged friend who had less endurance than I did. It took about 20 minutes to get him from the beach across the grass field to my car. He would dodge the sun from tree to tree and take a rest break at every shadow.

Saturday was a perfect day for the wedding I attended. Though a little too hot since the AC doesn't work in my car. I retired earlier than my friends as usual. I simply lack the stamina to stay awake. Squirl asked if I cried at weddings, well, I don't unless the bride and groom do. Well, they did, and at the reception too. So I cried. And just a random thought, wouldn't it be aweful to have your wedding when you're PMSing?

Sunday my friends and I hiked up Dog mountain on Seymour. It was cloudy on the way up but we soon got above the clouds and it was clear blue sky at the top. That was a nice day trip. Sunday night, another big meal at Joe Fortes... yum.

yogi posers  

Monday was when everything went down hill at about 2pm when JC and I met up with MJ. Then time seemed to have stood still and flew by all at the same time. The rest of the day was a blur but I do recall what a great view JC's new pad has of down town. Residing on 8th and Heather with a roof top patio, he's got the ultimate bachelor pad. Each room looked like a show room out of Pottery Barn.

Tuesday 8am. Apparently my brain was still shot. I completely miscalculated my check in time and missed my flight. Might as well, since I forgot to pick up my dry clean and shoe repair and at the airport I realized I left one bag behind too. That bag had my US wallet and some other important stuff. I walked around the airport feeling like the biggest Air Head then cabbed it back home just to deja vu 2 hours later at the airport.

It was raining the day I left. I guess you can call it the perfect day to leave, so I won't feel so nostalgic.

work hours

Dear Boss, these are my work hours that YOU set for me please remember them.
....................................................

Lunch time.

I usually leave the office during lunch except for lunch meetings and lazy days like today. But when I stay in, everyone knows not to talk to me. Everyone except for the boss and boss' wife. Everyone knows that when I'm facing the monitor I DO NOT hear you and I DON'T WANT to hear you. It's my lunch break DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT WORK!

AND DO NOT CALL ME AFTER WORK!!! I don't care to hear about what a great job I did today and we're going to do so much better tomorrow. Don't call me to remind me to come in 30min earlier and leave 1 hour later. I don't even want to waste my time hearing your messages that We're rockin' !! It's friggin 8pm!!! tell me that tomorrow! DURING WORK.

arrr.....

cravings

At about 9am this morning I started to have this intense craving for a hamburger or two and fries, maybe. Who craves for burgers at 9 am?? I searched high and low for something to curb the cravings. If I had the chance I would have stepped out to grab a burger at McDonalds or burger king. I wasn't craving for just any burger, I wanted the King of all burgers, the McDeath! But it's no where near noon and I wasn't exactly hungry so I ended up popping in two Almond Roca's which was nothing remotely close to the fat cravings I had. I reached for some cookies, sipped my coffee hoping to change my taste. Finally 12pm hits and I got myself to the gym to run off the potential triple bypass I was about to endure.

2:30pm
that was yummy.. 2 double cheese burgers and a medium fries, courtesy of Burger King. mmmm..
3:00pm
ok, now i'm feeling sick. No amount of running can undo what I just did.
Speaking of running, I hit 8 miles last Sat. Yah, it's been well over 4 months since I hit 7 miles. I'm slightly lagging on my training.

REI

It’s Monday and I’m still feeling the repercussions of my weekend. I went to REI Friday night for their annual sale. I hesitated on splurging, but on Friday I could no longer hold in the temptations. I felt like a kid in that store, it was like Toys R Us for adults. With an overly enthusiastic staff by my side, my friend and I stayed for 2+ hours in that store. We started with a back pack. The associate measured my torso and searched for a back pack that was most suitable for my purpose. We ended up with the Gregory Deva 60 for women, touted as the "best women's weekend pack" in the 2003 Backpacker Magazine Gear Guide! It was also on sale for a great price! It's designed with three ways to pack my bag, top loading, front panel access and bottom access to get to the main compartment. It's about 3200 cubic inches in volume and weighs at app. 5lb.

I then stepped over to look at tents and the associate couldn’t stop smiling as he explained all the different features on their selections. I think he was getting more excited about me getting a tent than I was. I stood there a good 30 minutes after because I’m so indecisive and finally picked up the North Face Tadpole 23. "An ultralight two-person tent with Fusion Pitch for fast packin, ideal for adventurers who value performace and efficiency" Sounds perfect for me. Weighing at about 4lb 6oz, I'm going to have lots of fun with Tadpole this summer.
The tent is also very cute. The associate must have thought I was retarded for picking out a tent because “it’s so cute”. I felt pretty stupid saying that too, but shoot, it IS cute. I even picked up the foot print for the tent too.


Set up in the kitchen

The next step was to look for a sleeping mat! Luckily, I already have a sleeping bag and didn’t need to drop more dough for that. Two hours later with the back pack on my shoulder the same associate helped me pick up an REI sleeping pad and I used my 20% off coupon for it. He continued to smile and asked me what else I needed, “a sleeping bag? Have one already? How about a stove?” I didn’t get a stove, but I did learn a little about them. I continued shopping around and picked up a pair of running socks. I have a pair of hiking socks and I feel like I’m walking on clouds with them on. So I was really curious how these running socks will pan out. So with a new back pack, a tent, a sleeping pad, pair of socks and a big hole in my wallet I was in friggin’ heaven. It was 8:45pm when we stepped out of REI. They close at 8pm. Had I stayed there longer I probably would have picked up a stove, a towel, a head lamp, food, bug spray, water filter, omg I’m getting all excited just thinking of all that.
After REI all I wanted to do was go home, pitch my tent and sleep in it. But instead we went for dinner at this French restaurant called Le Pot au Feu at Menlo Park. Great place, good food, we ordered dessert too and I ate it all, go figure. I was too tired and full to set up my tent after that, so on Sat. after work and errands that was the first thing I did. I could help but burst out in little giggles as I set up each pole, and I dove right in it when the tent was up! I would have slept in it that night except that I was going to Bay to Breakers the following day and wanted a good night’s sleep.

Bay to Breakers was really fun. I can’t believe it’s only 7.5 mi from Embarcadero to Ocean beach! Considering how long it takes to drive the distance you’d think it’s 20 miles apart! We tried to run the whole thing, but it was hard when the crowd was a mix of runner and walkers. There was a lot of stop and go on our part and that made it really hard to keep up the endurance. There was one float that says “Michael Jackson’s Child Day Care” and some guy dressed as Michael Jackson on it. Lots of people in costumes and naked men as usual. There were DJ’s and bands playing along the streets, it was really festive and impressive to see so many people up partying and walking on a Sunday morning! Next year I'll arrive earlier and run the whole thing. But untill then, I plan on puting some good mileage on my new toys. I can't wait to go camping.

And I've learned

It is already May. Already a year since....

After reading a few blogs I'm brought back to thoughts of where I am in life. I made a conscious decision to just enjoy life after I graduate. Or you can say I consciously made an excuse to drop my ambition and be a lazy ass. No regrets. Though, I have already gotten comfortable living off the lint in my pocket and am in dire need of getting my ass in gear. An old college friend called me out of the blue the other day. I told him my situation and his response was "what happened to you?" What happened to me?

When encouraging YN the potentials of being down here, I was reminded of all the nights I cried when I first moved down. Sobbing silently in that small tatami room. The sliding doors and plastic panels replacing the traditional paper sheets offered little privacy between my room and the living room. For 3 months I covered my head as I struggled to admit I missed my mom just like I did in kindergarten camp, my first night away from home. Every kid slept peacefully after our teacher’s good night kiss, and I continued to lay awake on the top bunk-bed after she tried to comfort me. She said I could call mom and go home, but I toughed it out (or might have just passed out, I could have been narcoleptic back then too).

Five years later, this city has shaped me in ways that home never could have done. The biggest change started with my old roommate DG. She exuded a confidence that I haven’t seen in anyone else. After living with her for 3 years I opened my mind to do things I was too shy to do. To be the dork only my family see’s. I tune into music I once thought was a waste of airtime. I simply became comfortable in my own skin. I grew stronger. I don’t think home could have pulled that out of me. People seem more concerned about their image up there.

So, reading what life after 30 wrote in her blog....I too have learned a few things...
I’ve learned that time will not stop when I sob in self pity.
I’ve learned that I can be more decisive when I’m honest with myself.
I’ve learned that whatever obstacle comes my way I always make it across whether stumbling or with ease.
I’ve learned how open minded, kind, generous, unconditionally loving people can be.
I’ve learned that the truth may hurt, but lies hurt much more.
I’ve learned that I may be a procrastinator, but I’m not a quitter.

Sadly,
I’ve learned that love doesn’t last forever. No matter how deep, I still move on.
I’ve learned that money does matter, that grandma was right, love will not feed my hunger.
I’ve learned how selfish, deceitful, judgmental, conniving people can be.
I’ve learned to be doubtful, cautious, guarded.

Keane

They’re HERE. KEANE is coming to Oakland this Friday. Ever since I heard their hit song “somewhere only we know” I was glued to their Album for months. I liked it so much that I put it on repeat on my drive down to Irvine then again on the way up. 12 hrs of non-stop Keane. That was back in December and I’ve been hoping they would come to the Bay Area. For those of you who have never heard of them, they sound like Cold Play but more upbeat. As one friend pointed out, Keane is pretty mellow so I'm not sure how their concert would be. It's not like I can get out of my seat and start dancing or singing at the top of my lungs. It's on a Friday night, I might just pass out!!

While I’m on the subject of music. I have to admit I like Kelly Clarkson. There’s just something weird about admitting I like the American Idol, but every time her song “since you’ve been gone” comes on the radio I can’t help but crank up the volume and rock-out!

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get what I want
Since you been gone

I'd also like to introduce my latest new fav. Anna Nalick. I first heard her in concert last year and her album finally released this year.

Big Al's

After reading Van's blog about her first police report and perverts, I was reminded of an incident when I stepped into Big Al's on Broadway and Columbus. I was checking out their wall collection of um...big stuff. I took notice of a few products that impressed me with shear size and stood there in awe when I noticed from the corner of my eyes a man in his50's standing three feet to my left staring at the wall too. I felt uncomfortable that we were looking at the same products, maybe? So I kinda froze and just stood there, then I glanced over to see why he wasn't moving and dang, the man was wanking off in the middle of the store, Hand in his pants and all! I guess those peep shows in the back just didn't do it for him that he had to stare at plastic packaged parts.

Let there be light

I went to IKEA Sunday night and picked up roman blinds to block out the morning light. I was so excited with my new purchase that I rushed home during my Tuesday lunch just to install it. The blinds worked fabulously. And it was cheap!! I slept so well that I was late for work. Then an hour after I got into work, PG&E turned off the power to our office as promised a week ago. We were left in the dark till 12pm, just when I was ready to leave for lunch. An hour after I returned, some “professional” electrician blew a fuse and left us in the dark again from 3pm till I left the office. I basically spent the whole day in the dark, walking around the office with candles. It was definitely not my usual day. Everyone sat around and played with their thumbs.

Now I’m off to bed and loving the idea of sleeping till the alarm goes off instead of being woken up by the morning light.

Death and Taxes

Kill me now.

I proudly walked into my room at 2:30pm yesterday all mentally prepared to do my taxes. Good HD, you remembered!!
Then I searched through my desk, lifted papers, dust flying everywhere and I CAN'T FIND MY W2 form! grrr....

Daily work (by Astrology.com)Don't let those deadlines or milestones worry you too much. Work will progress at its own pace, and you'll just have to adjust when the time comes.

I found my W2 form mixed with my junk mail pile, hm... how did it get there? OK I started using TurboTax online to file my Federal, but when done, I owed money! So I re-did it to itemize and the thing starts lagging and freezing! I tried and tried and did laundry and ate cookies 'cuz I was so frustrated and FINALLY I QUIT!

ok, let's go with HR Block instead. I still owe tax, fine, on with the state taxes. I turned on my bedroom lights, it was starting to get dark by now. State Taxes DONE! and I owe $$ again. Just Fabulous.

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Most of the time, your main focus is other people. You concentrate on what they like, what makes them happy and how to please them -- because doing that makes you happy, too. For the next couple of weeks, however, you'll be far more interested in financial matters, and you have every right to turn your attention in that direction, too. You need to take care of a certain matter that's had you absolutely stumped. Ask for help if you need it

anybody wanna gimme money?

7:30pm taxes e-filed, ...Must hit the gym NOW.

Last Day

She did it, she threw her resignation letter at BOSS’ face and screamed “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE” Then continued to work her last two weeks. Today is Mag’s last day. I’ve never seen Mag so happy before. For the last two weeks she’s been walking in with this radiant aura around her. Copy machine doesn’t work? she doesn’t care. Computer crashes she laughs. She was exceedingly happy today that she even filed.. EVERYTHING. Oh, don’t forget the X-rays. I’m so sad she’s leaving. Not only will I miss our daily chit chats about anything and everything, she has done worse than just quitting, she will be working for the ENEMY! One day I might have to walk up to her office and shout “just pay up will ya?” of course, I’d take IL with me for back-up. Aye.. work will never be the same.

procrastinating

I'm procrastinating. I have to write a speech for Toastmasters tomorrow and I can't think of what to write, instead, I suddenly have lots to blog about. The other night while stuck at Blush just to get a drink, YN and I were approached by little boys trying to dance to us. She was surprised, I know they don't do that much in Vancouver, but guys aren't shy around here. The distgust on her face was priceless. I was buzzed, I didn't care when little Ming offered to get us drinks. Crown shots, yelled YN. Little Ming was wasted after that. He was a nice boy YN and I conversed on our way home. Kinda cute too, half Chinese, half white. What was a real turn on, though, was when he started talking to me in perfect Mandarin. WOW. I was impressed. I think I'd like to date a guy I can speak mandarin with. Parents would love that too! heck, they want me to go back to Taiwan and get married or something. They're always hinting that i'm wasting my time here and Taiwan is so great and so and so just got married to some doctor/lawyer/government offical who's family is the ranking blah blah of Taiwan and blah blah blah. wonderful, i'm sure they love eachother very much.

divorce

What a glorious morning. Tuesday mornings without THE BOSS. Our early morning conversation started with husbands that are soon to be X-husbands and the pains of going through a divorce. I've seen so many divorces in this city, divorce has simply become an expensive break up. Of course no one gets married with the expectation of divorcing later on. Like wise, I'm sure no one get involved in a committed relationship with the expectation of breaking up either. The financial component of a divorce is the biggest issue in our conversation. Some couples feel that they should share one account. Just one joint account and no separate individual ones. As a couple, partners, a team, it is unnecessary to carry your own separate account. The two of you are as one. That sounds pretty sweet, for better or worse, you sink or swim together. From my personal experience, I wouldn't bet my life on sharing a joint credit card. A joint savings account for the bills, probably, but not a card! Especially not after seeing what my girlfriend is going through. This doesn't imply I'm anticipating a divorce should I get married (at this rate, never), and am preparing to avoid the financial complications. To me, having my own account also gives me the freedom to buy personal items without consulting my partner. Nor would I feel taken advantage of if my other half suddenly lavishes on expensive new toys because he's going through a mid life crisis or whatever. It's you/my money, do what you want, but the pot we share in between is for the family. Credit cards? Keep them separate. I’m sure things aren’t as simple as I think, I'm not even sure why I'm giving this so much thought. With life as it is now I'd die happy a single woman. But of course, being a Libran I have to see the flip side of the coin ie. Anna Nicole Smith. nuff said.

Horoscope

I check my horoscope randomly on my.yahoo, sometimes it hits the spot, sometimes it serves as a reminder of how silly I am to even take this stuff seriously. I usually take the applicable advices and ponder on them for a few moments. But today's advice really hits the spot.

Around the 1st, the new month could bring a couple of 'authority issues' with it. Authority issues? Yep, that's right. Authority issues, as in, you really, really hate taking stupid orders. As in, you feel like you could do your boss' job about a hundred times better then they do it. As in, maybe it's time for you to move on from your current workspace. Why not spend the 2nd getting your resume together? If nothing else, it's a good way to look at where you've been and what you've learned, and it'll help you think about where you might want to go next. On the 5th and 6th, your daydreams about the future need to go on the back burner while you put your head down and finish up a few projects. But don't abandon those old daydreams. (Where, after all, do you think reality comes from?) Come back to them on the 13th and bounce them off a good friend or two. What do they think about your idea to start your own design business/rhubarb pie stand/legal advice hotline?

How do these psychics know? There must be a gazillion Librans out there! Are they all going through the same thing? doh. Time to stop dragging ass. Gotta get myself out of here. Knowing myself, I won't get anything done till a year later. sheesh.

This office seems to be getting smaller and smaller. ML left last week and Mag is leaving next week. I feel like I"m in the twilight zone and people are starting to suspiciously disappear. Except, I know the cause, and it's THE BOSS. Enough about work.

Running has come to a decisive halt this week. Dr's orders, my own orders. I injured my left achilles a few weeks ago by forcing myself through a few sprints to up my speed. I continued doing short runs and now I walk with a limp. What a dumb ass, I should practice what I preach. But running becomes addictive, especially when you can easily overcome the ankle pain after a 10 minute warm up. Which, is what I've been doing up till Sunday. I went for a 20 min jog with YN. "But I won't be able to keep up" whines YN, don't worry, with my limp we'll be at the same speed. She didn't like my comment. I can't wait for this thing to heal though. I've been searching through some running magazines and I'm really hoping to be ready for the Big Sur marathon October 1st. can I run for 4+hours? that's kinda boring.