Thursday, January 17, 2008

How does it feel

How does it feel to be married?
The same.

We lived together for a year before our wedding day. I feel the same today as I did yesterday, and the week before the wedding and the months before that.

It's been over a week since the big day and I still get nightmares of it. It just shows that I spent too much time planning for it.
I'm very glad the day is over and more pleased that the pictures turned out beautifully. I would need those pictures and videos to remind me of what I missed.
Back to normal life. Today I got out of bed at 2pm. That was great. I hardly sleep past 10am, but my goal was to wake up when i felt like it, and 2pm it was.

Suddenly without a wedding to plan I'm feeling anxious. I'll focus on work again.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

From The Brides View






It was everything I didn’t expect.
The week was tortuous and fun all in one. Everyday leading up to the day of the wedding was packed with activities leaving us little time to sleep. Despite crappy weather we still did our tours, the highlight being the Tarsier monkeys. They’re so ugly they’re cute. Everywhere we went we traveled as a group. At times it was a logistical nightmare, but once settled it was fun to have everyone there. We dominated every place we went.

The unfortunate part was that people were getting sick. It almost seemed everyone got sick at one point. I felt really bad that guests were falling ill. But I tried to remind myself that there’s nothing I can do about it and it really isn’t my fault.

The day before the Wedding:
By the 5th I was exhausted. Exhausted from all the shouts and fights CB and I went through and continued to carry on in the Philippines. Little details remain unresolved because we couldn’t talk about wedding stuff without raising our voices. Thousands of things ran through my head but I couldn’t verbalize them. I never felt so frustrated, angry, stressed and exhausted all at once. All while trying to maintain a pleasant composure. We transferred to Shangri-la on the 5th, CB took off quickly to run more errands. I relished the moment I set foot on Shangri-la’s beach. I laid there for only an hour before I started getting the jitters and had to hit the gym to run off the anxiety. It may be a small thing, but when the attendant approached me and handed me an icy cold towel 10 minute into my run that made everything better. I liked that towel service.

At night the MOH and I cleaned a bottle of red while we scurried around the hotel suite wrapping up last minute details. I hit the sac at 10pm, tired again and caught myself thinking of ingenious ways to excuse myself from the next day’s event. But I couldn't, could I? This isn’t some Friday night birthday party that I don’t want to attend because I’m too tired. This is a wedding that spun out of control. From a small guest list of people dear to my heart, to people I don’t know, didn’t invite and subsequently some didn’t show up either. A list of should’ve, could’ve ran through my head. If I could only turn back time and did things differently. This is my party, why am I so miserable?

Wedding day:
The usual morning make up and dress up was fun. Once the camera crew showed up the girls and I lit up for the lenses. It’s great when no one is camera shy. The weather was warm but everything felt hot under my dress. After our morning shoot, I was feeling miserable again. Tired, hot and anxious and a dress too tight to sit in. Arg….. Then it came time to travel to the church, now that’s the fun part. A Sunday wedding squeezed between two masses. Everyone got there at 1pm for the 2pm wedding, I waited in the car with my bridesmaids, a lousy A/C in a very uncomfortable dress that had to be unzipped and I still couldn't sit straight. I was dripping in my dress and feeling grumpy. My bridesmaids probably took the worst of the hit. All my frustrations were directed to the one's immediately next to me... them. I was worried about the guests standing around the church feeling as miserable as I do. CC did the run around sending messages between the bridal car and the other guests. It may sound no big deal, but no one wanted to step out of the car into the heat. Tine had everything ready in case shit hits the fan, make up, food, hairspray, Tide to go.. you name it, and the MOH simply had to swallow the emotional beating coming out of me and fanning my fanny, yes, my legs were dripping hot.

Message came to the car that the public did not leave after the 1pm mass because they wanted to see the 2pm wedding. Thought it was some celebrity wedding since Sunday weddings were few and far in between and the Bishop was officialling it. I ended up getting so nervous, my walk down the aisle was a quick march. Who were all these people? The church was packed, I mean PACKED with people STANDING!!! The coordinator apparently lost her bearings as well and forgot to have the flower girl walk down. I’m disappointed. Everything was chaotic to me. I was simply happy to step out of the car and was ready to fly down the aisle and get this shit over with.

The ceremony was interesting. I’ve never sat through a full Philippino Catholic wedding so I wasn’t sure what to expect. Perhaps CB is lucky that I never sat through one, otherwise I would have never agreed to it. It was an hour long with a communion, at which I dropped the F bomb at the altar when I turn to see a long time of people waiting to receive communion. Then the Bishop told our relatives that one of the fruit and flower offerers was “the most inappropriate, scandalous, sinful girl in the group ….” It was my cousin D with her cute black bubble dress reaching only mid thigh with killer legs that even made me gasp! I guess before that incident, our reader got an ear full for not wearing a shawl over her halter dress. We already warned her to wear a halter vs a strapless, but I guess when you’re sexy, you’re sexy regardless of what you wear. Yes, we’re a sinful bunch.

It’s so wrong, but hearing that brightened my day.

My brain was still fried stepping out of the church but at least the stress lifted. Not sure why I was stressed to begin with, but it laid over me like a dark shower blurring my day.

The camera’s started snapping away as we walked out of the church. The doves were released.

Looking back, the ceremony was tiring but it was the most special part of the day. I'll forever cherish the memories of holding my parents arms down the aisle. When my dad told me that he didn't mind the heat once he saw me. He held my hand tight, I squeezed back, I miss him too. I'll always remember our voices echoing through the church as I shared my vows with my sunglass wearing husband. So ghetto.

The reception was fun for me, we had native dancers lined up, a kick ass band that everyone raved about. Name a song and they played and sung it well. It didn’t matter which genre, they were a great cover band. We performed our first dance, a waltz that we barely practiced, my footing was everywhere, I was happy, buzzed and still a blur. But I didn't mind that we were all over the dance floor dancing to our own beat. The cake was not served, there was plenty of dessert aside from the cake, so I bit into my wedding cake, something I’ve always wanted to do. A big fresh cake and it was mine to destroy.
There were games.. that I didn’t even know about. Which I think people enjoyed, but I can't remember, I was running low on fuel.

The day felt like organized chaos which others felt was fun.

By the end of the night I was drunk and the groom was missing and half the crowd was gone because that's apprently what Cebuano's do.

I return to my room to find the groom over the bowl. I guess that's how the wedding night ends.