back to work

This scene is vaguely familiar. Sitting in front of my computer at work blogging because The Boss is away for the week. Except he's not completely away, he's still in town, and had already paid us an unexpected visit at 10:30am this morning. He walked through the front door dressed in an unfamiliar green parka with an orange cap. I thought he was the electrician or something. We were all standing near the front desk bitching about work, only one of us recognized him and she walked up front to greet him. But as she approached him he was already walking towards us and caught us in the middle of discussion. Luckily we were weren't saying too much.

There's a heavy tension in the air between the staff and The Boss. I can sense the day approaching when he's going to get rained on by all of us. It's already happening, one member at a time, by the two bravest (most confrontational) one's, of course. So far, I just sit back and listen to their triumphant stories and wish I had the nerves to step up and give him a piece of my mind. Except I need to formulate my thoughts thoroughly before I step in there and get fired or end up quitting myself.

Listening to all the bickering is probably one of the best learned lessons for myself. At some point I will become The Boss and I only hope the bitching that goes on behind my back will not be as intense. I'm not ignorant to the fact that this sort of office gossip does happen and there will be several occasions when I will be disliked. But this environment sure doesn't shed light on how to keep your staff happy.

Anyhow, to brighter things. I drove down to Irvine to visit some cousins from Taiwan. A 6 hour drive through 152 and I5. 152 was really nice. I5 was boring as usual. If you stole a car on I5 with THE CLUB on it, you can probably drive pretty far on that straight road. To make that road worse, there was heavy fog that slowed traffic down from 100mph to 50mph. It's those drivers who think their fast (driving on the fast lane) that blocks up all the traffic. oh wait, brighter subjects..... it was nice seeing my two not so little cousins again. 18 and 19 with make up on and shopping for V-neck sweaters that drop down to their belly. The sweater was made of light see through cashmere. "What do you wear underneath that?", "nothing" replied the 18 years old, with eyes wide not understanding the point of my question. Fine.

For dinner we went to this really good Japanese restaurant, newly opened by two chefs who branched off on their own. We ordered loads of Sashimi and bottles of cold Sake. Damn, those girls can shop AND drink. Then again, anyone can out drink me. The following night their mom calls me asking me to remind her girls to "study hard" "behave", the typical chinese stuff. I was actually thinking how nice it is that they've finally caught up to age and can "play" with the rest of us.

New Hours

My Boss decided to have new hours for our office. I no longer get to sleep in on Tuesdays and I have to work every Sat. as opposed to getting to sneak a few saturdays off. I'm so bitter about my losing my Tuesday mornings. That's the only day I get to wake up an hour later, work out then have a decent breakfast. I can almost hear some of you say there's lots of people who work 50 hour weeks blah blah blah. I dont' give a crap, pay me a lot more and I'll put in my extra hours too. I was starting to feel comfortable at my job but this was the first week I woke up daily wondering how to get myself out of that hole.

counting down

4 more days till I get my break. This thought is making my week very long. What am I going to do during my break? I think I'll go hiking everyday, then once I hit the peak, just sit and read a little then hike back down. Either that or I'll end up at the mall shopping more for myself. and god forbid I just sit at home doing nothing. Am I even capable of doing that? I'll end up reading, watching TV and doing laundry at the same time.

This past weekend I went bar hopping with my friends. I managed to stay awake the whole night till we got in the car. I was very proud of myself. My formula is to workout an hour before I leave and drink lots of coffee and water after the workout. The dehydration seems to help suck the caffeine into my body better.

Tis the season

To be shopping fa la la la la

For every gift I've made this season I seem to have doubled one for myself too. This Christmas is getting to be very expensive. Due to my lack of discipline on keeping to "the list" , "the list" I'm having to shorten the list or find cheaper gifts. oops.

This week has been very slow at work. I often find myself walking to the staff "lunch" room to be entertained by the millions of ants attacking the cookies there. I love my co-workers, but for some reason they just don't get it. Ants are crawling all over this bowl of packaged cookies that they managed to rip their way into. I don't know where to begin to clean them up. They're pouring out of the bowl like a black waterfall. Today I tried using tape. I got so bored so I grabbed packaging tape and placed a few strips on the counter. I left it at that. Maybe that'll help disperse them. Hold on, let me go check. um, No, I think they called for back up instead.

Thank god it's Friday

There they go.

This month two friends will be leaving the Bay Area. Friends are hard to come by, and it's so sad to see two take off just like that. I'm so proud of them. I know some of us are unsatisfied with the stage we are in our lives. I've often considered moving and leaving this place too, but I'm scared. So, to see two of them packing up, moving far far away to achieve what they want is very inspring for me. It's do-able, things will be ok and I could leave if I want. Will I do it? Probably no time soon, still to chicken shit.

Gosh, with those two gone who's going to share my MJ with me?

Squirl's been a good friend from the start, we hit it off with a comfort level like sisters share. You know, the one where you can bitch at eachother and know it's ok 'cuz there's no escaping this relationship. But alas, she's taking her loud Cosmopolitan/Malibu Orange voice to a city large enough to accomodate her vocal range. The next two weeks will be dedicated towards doing things squirl's been wanting to do, but never got the chance to do in the Bay Area. Like going to the mystery spot. Gosh, that place is boring, but I already made a point that i'm only going if I get to be drunk when I step in. Maybe it'll counter balance my drunken equilibrium.

whipped cream

That was the best snow I've been on in a long time. The sun was out in Lake Tahoe on Friday, the sky was clear and the view was great. There was about an inch of fresh snow covering hard packed snow underneath. Saturday morning was like a blizzard! We started off with a thoughtful warm breakfast, geared up then were hit with high winds, lots of snow and freezing cold! But by 3pm the weather started to clear up and 2 friends and I were lucky enough to endure a 30 minute hike to the Nevada side of Heavenly. We were pretty much the only ones there, riding over fresh untouched powder. It was like dipping my board in whip cream, soft, fluffy and smooth. Those few runs within an hour made the whole trip worth it. By 3:50pm my hands were numb, nose dripping and my body was hating me, but we just had to squeeze in one more. You know you had a good time when your body is ready to go home but you just don't care. I took a nose dive on my last run 'cuz my board was sinking into the powder (oh, cry me a river). I wished I had enough speed to make it all the way to the Gondola, but that fall actually felt good.
That night I paid for all the fun with so much pain that every move became a work out.

Sunday morning we cleared the place by 12 noon, thanks to all my friends for lending a hand with clean up, helping to eat all the left overs and being swift to pack up. Or maybe I shouldn't thank them 'cuz we might have been able to leave later and miss the 7 hour traffic.

Either way, it was so nice to get away, be with your friends, have fun on the slopes and if you didn't lose money at the casino, it was a pretty cheap trip.

Sunday night: My bed never felt so comfortable.

swoosh swoosh

4 more hours of work left. I can't wait to get out of here. I've been training hard for the slopes this weekend. Been working my "core" muscles as recommended by Fitness Magazines and strengthening my legs. It's going to be so fun

Good Bye May

After much debated paired with my indecisiveness I decided to bring my first Guitar, which I named 'May'. =( poor May. She served me well for 5 days but for the same price, I could get a better guitar. So I packaged her up and brought her back to Costco. After a short transaction with the cashier, May was carried away and gone. I turned around and walked briskly back to my car, raced down to Guitar Center in Santa Clara and happily lifted up a Fender G-8s beginner package. I ran my fingers through her strings and she sounded much brighter and deeper than May. Without much thought, I made my purchase. I shall name her Eve. I would have named her Lilith, but she's not exactly my first guitar, so Eve it is. The strings are much easier on my fingers too and she looks much nicer.

After a quick walk through DSW I drove around the block and went for Korean food with some friends. The food definitely added some weight to all of us in the end. But the bill was surprisingly light on our wallets. Korean House on El Camino, my next favourite dinner spot.

My first GUITAR

I purchased my first guitar this past weekend. I've always wanted to learn how to play! I'm so excited that I really don't know what to do. Really.

I pick it up every hour and I run my thumb through the strings, what else can I do? I don't know how to play. I'm planning on getting some DVD's or go online to learn the basics. I hope to get a song down by the end of the year. Until then, my roomates are going to have a field day with me strumming non-sense for the next few months.

I'm looking forward to playing a few songs at our staff retreat down at Aptos in January. Singing by the campfire and what-not.

Grant money

November 3rd, 7pm. I received a call from the government grant ****** program. The lady explained the selection process through her heavy East Indian accent and busy background noise from her office. "you can use the grant money for whatever you choose to. The $8,000 is yours and you can use it to pay off your loans, your car, your house" House? what's $8G going to do for a house? "the money is yours for whatever you want but hopefully you will use it for something good" She repeatedly explained. "You are a Citizen and are paying taxes right?" "I'm not a citizen" I responded suspiciously. The whole time I thought it was my Canadian student loans officer calling to ask if I was deferring my payment or am I going to pay up! "oh you're not? but you do pay taxes right?" "yes, I do" "then you're qualified. There's a lot of background noise can I call you back?" I was driving home and she called back after 5 min as promised. "So, this grant is yours to use for whatever you want blah blah blah accent accent accent but we need to transfer the funds directly to your account so it ensures the money does not go to the wrong person. Do you have your account number on you?" NO "do you have a cheque book on you?" NO "oh, do you have a receipt or something with the digits of your account number?" NO, getting a little frustrated I told her to call back after 2 days, I might know if by then. " oh we have a deadline to meet, and we need to finish the case by tonight." "why are you guys working so late? And you're located in Las Vegas you said?" I questioned. "well, we're just working for another hour" I can't believe this was happening to me! I read scams all the time on the email, but for this to happen to me and to know that they found my cell number and has my office address, that's messed up!
She called back at 9:30 pm after an hour as promised to see if I managed to retrieve my account number. I didn't think they'll call, quite persistent! I kindly declined my $8,000 grant which I would have received directly into my account to use towards whatever I want, but hopefully for good cause such as paying off my tuition, car or HOUSE? @#%@#???

cat in bag

I walked out of the house this morning and noticed a kitten walking aimlessly with a pure beauty bag over his head. What a sad sight. Is that some kind of Halloween joke? I walked over to remove the bag just to realize his head was poked through the SIDE of the bag from a small slit. I looked down from the top of the bag and saw a white take out container sitting at the bottom below the cat's head. I guess the cat was trying to get to the food? I reached for the bag and the cat saw me from above and started panicking. He ran around but since he couldn't see, he was hitting bushes, door steps, more bushes. It was funny and sad. I had to leave the poor thing alone since it was so spastic.

Where is it?

My Coffee MUGS! I NEED THEM! TWO are now missing, my tall yellow one and my little cute Christmas 80z one. WTF! I put them on rotation and use them daily to bring to work! What am I going to put my coffee in?? I'm NOT going to put them in a cup and have coffee spilling in my car! WHERE ARE THEY!!! zzzzzzzzzzz....zzz need coffee

Foldgers in the sink

I've been drinking coffee since 1st year university. It started as something I'd sip on just to stay awake. It was a trimester habit during every final. I then started having issues staying awake in class too. Thirteen weeks of classes, thirteen weeks of coffee.

Then one day I got appendicitis and I found my way to the ER. The nurse tried drawing my blood for some blood tests. She made too many attempts and withdrew too few mililiters. She asked if I drank anything that day 'cuz I was so dehydrated. I thought carefully and realized I didn't drink any water or other sort of beverages that day except for coffee. In fact, since the start of the semester I didn't drink anything but coffee. I would fill a big mug in the morning and drink it to the last drop. Then I'd fill it up again at the school coffee shop with more coffee which lasts till I get home. After dinner I'd brew more coffee to sip on while I study. Holly crap! I had lived on Coffee for 10 weeks!

Anyhow, since my coffee days it has always been Starbucks, International Delights Instant Coffee or whatever was brewing at the coffee shop: Beans Bros, Second Cup etc... Then I started working at Starbucks and woa.. MORE COFFEE!!

Anyhow, yesterday I decided to give Foldgers a shot. I brewed it and drank it black to fully experience the comparison to Starbucks. Let me tell ya that sh** has nothing to offer. It's something you offer to someone as a bad joke. That stuff is plain bitter, no flavour, nasty nasty. I thought maybe it's partly psychological, but my boss, who's also a coffee drinker, poured himself a cup thinking it's Starbucks, and he had the same reaction.

Those Foldgers commercials are sure convincing. With that crap brewing in my house I'd freaking wake up too.

To be or not to be

We all know that people in general are on their best behavior when they meet someone new. They watch what they say, choose their verbiage, dress to impress, good mannerisms, put in extra efforts etc... But where do you draw the line between being on good behavior and no longer being yourself? Let's say you get into a situation where you are confronted to do something you normally don't do. Do you do it because you don't want to jeopardize the relationship? or do you stand your ground and do what you would normally do? If you choose the former, wouldn't you be giving the false impression of being someone you're not? The task doesn't have to be something that's out of your way. It could be as simple as watching a horror movie when you don't like them, but you watch it anyways. You have now presented yourself as one who enjoys horror movies. On the other extreme, you do things unwillingly (without the other knowing), but you do them anyways to try to impress. You go out of your way to purchase small items to appear thoughtful, you open doors, pull out chairs, keep your make up fresh..
Have you thought of the consequences when you can no longer tolerate to be who you aren't? How long can you keep this up? Until you get what you want? A few weeks/months after you get what you want? Meanwhile, The other person continues to expect you to open doors, receive little tokens of affection, curb your tongue etc... But the demand becomes overwhelming to you. S/He has suddenly become demanding. S/He has suddenly lost tolerance for who YOU are. S/He has changed. Or was it you that has returned from being what you're not?

Pot Stickers

I went to a work pot luck this weekend. Being the only Taiwanese, I was asked to bring something authentic. I pondered a bit, but authentic to me would be bringing rice stick with pigs blood. I thinkwhat they meant was to bring something from Rickshaws Corner. So I decided to make pot stickers. I like them really crispy so I made full on effort to get them golden on all three sides and crispy once removed from the pan. Everyone was pleased with the pot stickers and so impressed that I actually made something 'cuz they know I didn't cook. I knew they would like it, every body loves pot stickers. Then they asked me what I put in it? um.. oil? oh wait, did I buy the pork and leeks or the chicken and leeks? I responded pork and leeks. Gosh, did these people think I made the pot stickers themselves? I mean, when I said I made them I DID, the same way my mom showed me. I didn't have the heart to tell them I didn't make them the way they thought I did. but I cooked them ok!!

Double booked

It was a Wednesday night and I sat at the bar at TGIF's sipping on my Tropicolada, allowing the alcohol to infuse my brain cells. The buzz must have taken me to another wordly dimension because a vision came to my mind... my jean jacket on a hanger with another jacket over it!! The mystery was solved! I had double booked my hanger and fogotten about it! I'm so excited, one item crossed off the list of the lost.

Where is it?

Where is my frigging jean jacket? Why do I keep losing things? Has anyone seen a CK jean jacket laying around? I'm one of those dysfunctional peple that get pre-occupied with lost items. I can't function until I find it! or till I forget that I lost it. grr...

Bikram

Going home was the highlight of my year. Got to see my friends, eat lots, check out JW's new pad and new car and SS's new car and PG's new car and bike. sigh, and I just got back from the car shop who claimed my rotors are warped. He's the warped one, freak, he's the one who worked on them in January. F-er.
I can't get over how much better food is up there and cheaper!! I got to check out what LuLu Lemon is all about, then left with 3 pairs of shorts and a Dry-fit T. Got to check out what Bikram Yoga is about then had a close encounter with the Yoga Nazi. Bikram Yoga is basically Yoga performed in a room heated to about 40C? The room is carpeted, there's only two small windows which the guy opens on the rare occasion. Anyhow, the Yogi nearly bit this chicks head off when she was unable to perform a back bend his way because of back pain. "if you can't do it then lay down"he snaps, the girl responds "I was taught to do it this way instead." Yoga Nazi "well this is my class" 10 minutes laters " which Yoga College did you attend? what kind of yoga?" the guy was interrogating her in front of the whole class. That was just rude, in addition, to his non-stop talking for 90 minutes which made me feel as if I was at an auction or a race track

"Now BREATH BREATH BREATH and STRETCH STRETCH STRECH, feel your arm REACH REACH REACH, NOW step LEFT foot to the LEFT to the LEFT to the LEFT and TURN TURN TURN"

HD's thoughts 'would you just SHUT THE FUCK UP??'

Maybe if he tried to perform some of the moves he's describing he wouldn't have to talk so much. Unfortunately I was too dehydrated to speak and sweat was dripping all over me. Plus he was drenched in his own sweat and the last thing I wanted was for him to come over and drag me out. Actually, I was with my friends and I didn't want to embarrass them. Besides the Yoga Nazi, the exercise was rather refreshing and my skin was glowing after my shower!! Would I do it again? yes, but I may have to shoot the Nazi first and voluntarily deodorize their carpet for them. When my left foot stepped off the yoga mat onto the carpeted floor, I saw sweat drip off the arch of my foot into the carpet. I wondered how many other pairs of sweaty feet am I stepping over. ew...

MoVeD

I moved again , for the 10th zillion time. This might just be a hidden disease that I've not yet discovered. Perhaps I'm so accustomed to moving throughout my life that i'm incapable of staying in one place for too long. The longest I've ever stayed in a resident was 7 years, shortest was 3 months. This is starting to sound like a relationship. I think the number of times I moved might actually equate to the number of guys I dated. I wonder if there is a similarity with the length of time with each house/relationship too?

Anyhow, I managed to pack my whole life's worth into the back of a caravan and moved it all in one trip. THERE it was, all my belonging in a car. It seems so insignificant. But once I started to unpack I realized how much stuff I had. Unfortunately most of it were books, I have to get a book shelf the size of my closet just to unpack those books. The room is also very small, I would have to strategically arrange my furniture (or lack of) to fit everything in. Once I squeeze in a queen size bed my room will be one big trampoline, how fun. I can bounce out of bed and into the bathroom every morning.

Anyhow, the move was rather unsettling. I've moved too many times since coming down here. The next time I move, I'm moving to the carribeans (there's a story to that to follow later).

Hey, it's "me"

Everyone is entitled to be a little lazy now and then, speak in half sentences, drop a few words here and there, create a few words to make things FUNNER. BUT! why are you too freakin lazy to tell me your NAME when you leave messages??!! "Hey head dump, it's ME" who the f*** is ME? Unless that's your name, you're not "ME"! Do you think I only have one friend? okay okay, I may have a small circle of friends but 'common now, after all that static on my cell phone you're all starting to sound the same. male, female, male trying to sound female I dunno.. WHO ARE YOU!!! why do you have to make me search my caller ID? Just tell me your name. Just say it! "say your name bitch!"

Those 2 weeks

There are two painful weeks in a month in a woman's life. The week before and the week of her period. You PMS, then you bleed. When you really think about it, we spend 1/4 of the year bitching and anther 1/4 of the year bleeding that leaves us only 1/2 a year to lead a normal life! That means a quarter of women's decisions are hormonally influenced and another quarter with cranky, bloating symptoms. That wasn't the point of this story though, it was simply something I concluded while diagnosing my eating habits. I have a pretty strong craving for sweets, but most of the time I can keep it under control. I also work out frequently to stay in shape, but when that one special week comes I lose all self control! I'll stock up on chocolate! lots of chocolate! I have this brownie cake sitting in front of me right now that weighed about 5 pounds! I bought it on Saturday along with some chocolate bread pudding, a pear danish and some other pastry. The brownie is already half gone and I cleared the bread pudding on Sunday and the other two pastries on Saturday. I pretty much took in my months' caloric intake in one week! and I do this every month!! Why do I work so hard at the gym just to sabotage my hard work with this food!! crap, this blog is taking awhile to write between my brownie bites.

mmm....yummy.... actually maybe this PMS stuff isn't so bad after all. I get to indulge in all the good sinful sweets that I normally won't allow myself to indulge in, and I give myself excuses to miss the gym. I also feel it's quite ok to bitch slap those who get in the way. ahh.. yes, those 2 fabulous weeks.

Olympics

oooh, this is bad, but last night I went to a bar that had the olympics on TV. It was the men's gymnastics. I haven't been keeping up with the olympics, but when I saw those guys on the rings and vaults I thought woa... they've got pretty nice bodies, then the men's swimming events came on. I think I might actually start watching 'cuz some of these guys are hot!

over time bitch fest

I've always felt it was important to have some time to yourself, but lately I've been missing it more than anything. I still spend most of my week nights alone, watching TV, DVD's mostly, chatting online of just catching up on some chores, bills, laundry, cleaning and stuff. But there's been so much happening at work for the past 2-3 wks. The minute I step foot through that door at 8am I know I won't be sitting down till lunch time, and that's when I go work out. I come back around 2pm, catch up on emails then 2:30 hits and i'm off running through the halls again, yes, literally running from the back room up to the front. I have been putting more and more hours in the weekends to work and all the deadlines, constantly talking to people, several people throughout the day, listening, empathizing, understanding, ignoring the whiners and at times getting hit on! WTF, this one white guy in his late 30's flat out asked me my height and weight, I didn't answer, "how old are you?", I continued my portion of the questioning, "do you have a boyfriend?" fockers, how disrespectful... by the time I get home I don't want to talk to anyone (conveniently my roomate is never around). Ssshh... and a beer or some kind of herbal remedy would be great, thank you.

Shopping is a great remedy. I bought a new pair of jeans the other day, it's supposed to make my booty look good. I sure spent enough on them. I also got this blush for Benefit, but I don't even see the colour show up on my face.. what a rip. I'm thinking of buying a guitar! I want to learn to play. I'm also looking into joining a running clinic or hiking club or some club to show me some good trails. That is one thing I like lots about the Bay area. There are lots of trails around, though the nicer one's are usually further away. oh, and I want an electric piano too, so I can play and not irritate the hell out of my roomates or neighbours. hm.. 1:30, time to take a nap since I didn't hit the gym.

22 bites

I couldnt' sleep well Sunday night 'cuz I was scratching myself all over. I finally took a count of how many mosquito bites i have, and here's the stats. 5 on my left arm 4 on my right, 3 on my right leg and one hella itchy one on my left, 4 on my forehead and 2 on my neck, one on my head and lastly one little annoying one on my back. It was still worth it.

quirly helped me figure out how to use web IM, not that it was hard to figure out, but she definetly helped me find it. Not sure if that's a good thing though 'cuz now i'll be IMing at work!!! or atleast when the Boss isn't around.

Lost creativity

The Boss came back lasts Monday, that definitely stumped my ability to blog during the day. Anyhow, just got back from an overnight camping trip. It was great. I can say that now, but when I was hiking 7mi in 85+ degrees of dry heat with a freakin 30 pound pack on my back I was wondering what I was doing! But once we got to our camp site and took a swim in the cold water, after walking bare foot for at least 30 minutes over jagged rocks some covered in moss and then little pebbles that cut into your foot, it was worth it. The cold water felt really nice as it washed away our sticky sweat and soothed the mosquito bites we've accumulated along the way. Then we had to walk back over the jagged rocks some covered in moss and then little pebbles that cut into your foot to our camp site and make some food. Those freeze dry packages aren't bad at all!

When the sky became dark, the countless number of stars in the sky was indescribable. There was not one spot that wasn't covered with bright twinkling stars. It was great.

The next morning was the same grueling hike back to the car. But once we got home, the shower was my best friend. ahh..... can't wait to sleep on my bed tonight and be able to freely scratch those mosquito bites without the restraints of a sleeping bag.

sick

I've got this crazy lump in my throat and it hurts every time I swollow. (My roomate Big Al likes it every time i say that, perve) I think my tonsils are infected somehow. Got a fever on Monday and Tuesday and I think I'm finally feeling better now, but my throat still hurts. I'm taking lots of Vit C, echinacea, got a jamba juice OJ w/immune boost, then i'm going to drown myself w/cranberry juice and some cold meds before I sleep. please make this thing go away before the weekend.

I'm going to back pack through Big Sur and Camp over night, i'm so psyched. But I need to find a digital camera before the weekend, I still don't have one yet! I'm going to take a day off tomorrow to rest and by camping supplies yaya, shopping! that's good therapy.

A walk in the Clouds

Sunday had a heavy overcast, but we headed across the Golden Gate towards Mount Tamaplais anyways. We took the first exit and drove towards point Bonita. The winds were gustily but luckily it wasn’t too cold. We looked at the view of the city and the Golden Gate. Then we drove further in towards a fort (forgot the name). We began our hike after a short snack in the parking lot. We started off following a wide dirt trail then continued along the cliffs. The mountain was mostly bare, it was covered in browned grass and short thick shrubs that occasionally reached beyond my knees. Although it was cloudy and windy the view was still magnificent. There was no one in sight, no city buildings and no traffic. All we heard were sounds of the ocean, wind and fog horn, oh and our own voices. I think most people would prefer to hike on sunny days, but I would never have guessed how beautiful nature can be even when it’s cloudy. We continued hiking up along our “trail”, cutting through bushes, climbing up dirt then reached at concrete platform. At this point we were already in the clouds. We weren’t able to see more than 20 ft ahead of us. I felt as though I was in heaven. We layed down on the platform and took a little nap, when we opened our eyes the world around us felt surreal. Everything was white. This was a nice easy hike to go on. Once I figure out the location I'll have to take twirly squirly on it.

fake and bake

Yesterday I tried fake tanning for the first time. There are two tanning booths available at my gym and I thought I'd give it a shot. I wanted to lesson the contrast between my dark arms and white body. Anyhow, stepped in for 7 minutes, all the lights switched on. I felt like I was going to roasted alive. Those white lights are kind of freaky. Anyhow, it obviously worked, but my shoulder got slightly burned! How did that happen? Isn't it suppose to give you an even tan?

dream me a dream

"If DREAMS can be purchased, what dream would you buy? " I immediately thought of my favourate dream. I was at a carnival at night and everything was free! all the crazy rides and games. Then I was given wings and I could fly! I flew over the water and mountains oooh so fun, but then came the sad part. I flew back to the carnival and landed outside a pastry shop. There beyond the glass counter laid dozens of delicious pastries, I could have as many as I want, anything that I want, but I walked away 'cuz I DIDN'T WANT TO GET FAT! wah.... crap, if I knew it was a dream I would've eaten EVERYTHING. I have a crazy sweet tooth, and if i could have any dream, I'd dream that I was in some kick ass pastry shop and I could eat all that I want and not get fat=)

Sugar in the raw

This is the way I like my coffee.  Let's start with the coffee itself.  I like it bold, not strong, but bold tasting, Sumatra, Brazil Ipanema Bourbon from Starbucks are my faves.  Tall cup with room for cream please, $1.35.  Now, to perfect it.  1 package of Sugar in the raw, then half and half.  How much half and half? hm.. just open the spout and say pour pour pour stop.  The important addition here is the sugar.  The flavour of the coffee changes with the type of sugar you use.  I usually keep a few packages of Sugar in the raw with me 'cuz not every coffee shop carries it.  It's a little silly, but white sugar ruins the coffee for me.

Walk with me

It was 12am and we decided to get off our lazy ass and go.  I finally figured out how to get there.  280, exit Edgewood Rd.  head west and you'll hit a T-stop.  There's gravel parking on both sides.  Parks close at sunset (8pm) but we pulled out one flashlight and headed into the darkness.  The light flashed past the sign "Edgewood trail" It's an easy trail during the day, but you hear all sorts of animals rustling in the bushes at night.  They seem to sound louder when you can't see anything.  We nearly walked through a 6 foot spider web made by a big brown spider spanning 2 inch in diameter.  Actually, we did walk through one of its' anchors to the ground.  We kept walking further into the darkness.  A mile down we came under the 280 bridge, the light from the bridge only made the passage darker than it is.  We walked through scavenging the darkness with the flashlight.  I kept looking back, paranoid that something dirty (as they say in Chinese) was following me.  But I know very well that when walking down a path, to never look back (that's what all the movies say). I highly doubt there's any homeless people under here, there are wire fences paralleling us, but that's not what I fear.  The speeding traffic above was a constant reminder that we're not in the middle of nowhere.  But still, no one will hear my scream if I did.  We came out of the darkness and into the open.  The dark hill laid in front of us.  If we hiked up, there's a bench we can rest on and stare up at the stars.  I looked up at the over cast shading the moon, then over to the darkness.  I was tired, not from the walk, but from my heart racing since we started the trail.  My heart was tired from being scared.   I didn't want to walk through the canopy of darkness, it wasn't worth it, plus the fog started to cover the moon and it was getting darker.  "next time" I said.  I'm too paralyzed to continue.  We headed back to the car.  It really wasn't that bad of a walk.  It was exciting, and I've always liked the drive down Canada Rd.  No matter how eerie the night can be, there's something very serene about the the fog rolling over the hills meeting the reflection of the moon on the lake.  I'll have to run that trail more often, get to know it better and next time, when the sky's clear, it'll be worth it.

Pessimist

somedays at work I wonder if I went into the wrong profession.  I've got this friend who's always worried about losing his job.  He's says it jokingly, but he says it so much that I can't tell if he's joking or not.  He says lots of things jokingly and very repetitive too.  At first I think he's just a joker, now I think maybe he's just very pessimistic and doesn't realize that it's not all that bad.  I know it can be stressful thinking you're might be let go, but it's a little hard to feel sympathetic for someone who got a raise for doing 2 hours of work a day, then is still getting paid for doing nothing right now.  What a life.

Free

I was listening to Switchfoot in the car this morning.  The volume was up as usual and I sang to the lyrics

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead, yesterday is a promise that you've broken, don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes, this is your life and today is all you've got now,  and today is all you'll ever have, don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes, this is your life, are you who you want to be?  this is your life, are you who you want to be? is this everything you dreamed you'd be when your world was younger and you had everything you need.
 
Then I thought of where I am in my life, this isn't exactly where I thought I'd be, emotionally, financially or physically.  I thought I'd be married by now, in V-city and I should be getting pregnant about.. now, 'cuz I wanted two kids before 30.  Instead, I'm single, in SF and still going through PMS.   But I got to work this morning loving life 'cuz for a rare moment in my life I'm free of all attachments.  I'm not rushing to get my homework done so I can talk to my bf at night.  I'm not planning my work outs so I can rush home to be with him. I don't cancel plans with friends anymore.  I don't have be the "good girl" he prefers.  I don't have to hide Mari anymore.  I never made him center of my world, but he was #1 priority. I can spontaneous drive off for a hike and not feel guilty that I should spend what little time I have with him.  I told him I didn't move down for him, but the truth is I did.  Now, I can move anywhere I want.  Instead of saving up to buy him presents, I'm going to buy myself an "X bf birthday gift" on all my X's b-days.  I have spacial, temporal and emotional freedom.  I had a glimpse of it exactly 3 years ago and I had let it go too easily.  There will probably come a point in time where this "freedom" turns into "loneliness" but not right now, not for awhile.  This is my time to figure out who I am and what I want.  Having said all that, if I meet Prince Charming tomorrow, hee hee bring it on baby.

ORC-Oatmeal Rasin Cookies

I have found the BEST, the absolutely, most delicious OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES in the UNIVERSE. This is according to the highest Head Dump sweet tooth standards. The cookie is crunchy around the edges and soft in the center. Two different raisins and I think he adds Molasses... oh Pierre, you're my favourite baker in the world. His danish, croissants, muffins etc. are good too.

Here's the addy: Crepe & Brioche Bakery 1040 Revere Ave. San Francisco, CA 94124 #415-822-2287.

I've got cookies, I've got Lychee Liquer which has become my favourite liquer, I could add that thing in juice and have a GREAT night. COOKIES, LIQUER let's get BAKED

blue day

Today is a bad day.  No No NO.. must be positive.  Today is a F*ckn GREAT day. There are ants in my car.  I see one everyday and it's not the same one 'cuz I squish it every time I see it.  I'm afraid to look under the seat 'cuz you know those guys don't travel alone, there's probably a colony of them eating at some dead bug I brought in.  OH NO! It must be those peanut butter cookies I've been eating in the car last week!  Those cookies were really crumbly, pieces would fall off on to my lap then bounce off.  I figured it'll land between the wedge of my thigh and the seat, but NO it bounces further and off the seat to the floor.  I'll need to do some vacuuming.     I went to the gym during lunch as usual, hoping I could clear the cloud in my head but I walked out feeling *duh* I might have used up all the glucose in my brain.  blue blue blue... I was watching TV while on the steps and the show was about men cheating on all these beautiful women.. Halle Berry (cheated by all 3 hubbys), Elizabeth Hurley, Jennifer Lopez, Uma Thurman.  I just don't get it.  

The whole office is blogging.  I walked back from an adjustment and BLOGS are on every screen.  We better kick this habit before the Boss gets back. 

point form

Someone told me I'm very emotionally driven.  what does that mean exactly? That I base my decisions on how I feel? Am I less logical? less rational? It's not a bad thing is it? I do need to be a little realistic though.  Day dream a little too much, plenty of REM sleep, sometimes I confuse my dreams with reality.  At worse I wake up screaming from nightmares.  Or getting upset at the person oops... I'll need to find someone who's a deep sleeper.

Latest CD addictions: Toby Lightman, Nickelback, Switchfoot, Cold Play.  There are days when I'm fuming and I need to vent.  I go for a run and I need some music to help me kick butt. R&B, Hip Hop, Rap just doesn't cut it.  I'll Blast Nickelback-Someday, i'll sing with it between breaths (this is trail running of course) and feel that extra rush, I could breath deeper, I can feel my lungs stretch, my quads burning then I slow down, my heart still racing, and it feels good.  I'm going to aim for a marathon by the end of this year, mm.. let's change that to early next year.

It's strange how an apology that's supposed to bring you closer together instead amplifies your differences. 

The Boss is out of town.  The clinic is in my command! muah ha  ha ..Got a massage during my working hours.  I'm loving life right now.

My big ND

I just realized my indecisiveness has become a big problem.  It’s has become so big that I shall now call it my big ND.  ND has developed to a stage where it now consumes me to where I can barely function.  For example, when I go shopping for something specific, I have to go by myself.  I’m afraid my ND would drive my friends crazy.  I think the response  “I dunno, I’m indifferent ” aka ND, drives people crazy too, but hey, at least I won’t get a headache trying to make up my mind.  Now, I’m faced with the option of moving or not.  The new place is lovely, closer to work, to the gym, but pricier.  I like where I’m at now, I’m comfortable, I’m not sure why I even want to move (um.. didn’t I just give some reasons? Anyway..) I’m so sick of moving.  Gosh, I sound like I’m moving out of the country or something. To move or not to move? There’s obviously a lot of other questions I ask myself but I can’t seem to narrow down my decision.  And now I can’t work!  Oh dang it. And now I’m starting to think of other things.  How long am I going to be here for? This was not my plan.  Is this where I want to be? What am I doing to myself?  Why did I ever stay? I should have gone home as planned? I feel so unsettled, so behind, so aimless, so lost.  I just want a place to call my own, a place to call home. oh boo hoo why am I getting so sentimental? Must be that time of month again…. sniff sniff.. I want my mommy.

Goblins and ghosts and demons oh my

Hello, my name is Eva, I'm 27 and I have nyctophobia and all the spooky stuff that comes with it. 
 
I planned my Monday night to be relaxing.  I will cook some pasta, have a glass of red wine and watch a movie.  Except, when I got home I found out my roomie picked up Gothika.  (My roomie and I share the Blockbuster pass and we'll rent movies and leave them on the kitchen counter for the other).  With dinner made, wine in hand I stared at the DVD.  A voice inside my head whispered "grow up you wimp".  I will be brave, it might not be that bad. I thought Secret Window was going to be scary and it wasn't!  I popped in the DVD, turned around to bring my food to the couch and the scene selection with the scary music immediately started.  WTF! where are the previews to warm me up? Things are starting to get spooky already.  I stared at the screen and faces of actors and actresses faded in and out to the beat of rhythmic static. Then it ended (zip.. static static.. ugly faces pops in and out of the screen) ok, that's enough!   The 2 minutes worth ruined my night already.  I stopped the DVD, I couldn't even pull the DVD out, I didn't want to see Halle Berry's freaked out face on the DVD.  Images of faces from other horror flicks started running through my head, specifically from The exorcist .

Parent's shouldn't allow their 6 year olds to watch The Exorcist.  That's just wrong. Now I'm all jacked 'cuz of stuff like that. 
 
I also have Lygophobia, Myctophobia, Philophobia, Arachibutyrophobia,  Pneumatiphobia, Pnigerophobia, Daemonophobia, brontophobia, Arachibutyrophobia and maybe, Anutaphobia.

can I help you...

find your balls?  I know women's position in today's society has changed a lot, but I was raised in a very traditional family where I wasn't even allowed to work till I forcefully convinced my dad in 2nd year college so I can start the co-op program.  I know in many families women have now become the bread-winner and/or "wear the pants" in the relationship.  But, that doesn't sit well with me.  I'm a blend of aiming to be the bread-winner,  while holding onto what the traditional wife should be (ironically, I can't cook).  I feel strange watching men succumb to their partner or ask for their "permission".  This one guy had to call his wife 6 times over the phone then he made me speak to her 3 times before coming to a decision.  It took an hour to settle his case.  I understand couples make decisions WITH their partner or COMPROMISE with their partner, but this was more along the lines of.. "I have to ask my mommy first".  I walked out of that meeting afraid I might step on the balls he left behind, but then realized I've been in those situations several times with women and felt their indecisiveness was justifiable.  How can I be this way?  So, back to my dad.  He used to tell me "don't worry about working or money, I'll take care of that.  You need to focus on school, then find a good husband"  I used to get very angry when he said that, I never wanted a husband like my dad.  Now, I've changed my mind. I would love a husband who says "don't worry about work or money, I'll take care of that, just focus on shopping and taking care of the kids" and I'll smile with the cutest eyes and say "ok sugar"

Just a journal entry

It's been a long time since I had one of those weekends that seem to last too long, yet feel like it wasn't long enough.  Would that mean it was eventful? Sure, why not.  The weekend felt...how should I put it? Smoky? and dizzy? But despite all that, I still remember hi-lights of Saturday night when I was drunk.  It's awful when all you remember are embarrassing things. I seem to get louder with increasing number of drinks (though not as loud as some people).  I didn't know alcohol enhances your vocal abilities.  Anyhow, message to myself "shut up when you're drunk"

Quizno and Fandango

Unfortunately, Troy is out of the theaters, I've just lost my chance to watch Brad Pitts' butt on the big screen. *sigh*  While I was searching for theaters that was still showing the movie, the Fandango commercial came into mind.  Now, I'm no marketing major and anyone who knows me would agree my knowledge of business is rather elementry, but someone once told me that if an advertisement catches your attention, good or bad, has done it's job.  Well, I never found those talking brown lunch bags with nasal voices to be funny.  In fact, I find them very annoying and stupid.  It bugs me every time I have to watch it. But that’s not as lame as the Quizno commercials with those freaky googly eye looking potatoes (are they potatoes?) THAT is freaky! Who would want to eat a Quizno after seeing those bulgy eyed retarded freaks!?  I used to like Quizno, but not after that commercial. 

1/2 day Thursdays

Thursdays are my favourite. I sit here doing paper work and I get to surf the net. Usually the Boss isn't here so I also chat with Mag all morning. On the rare occasion we feel the need to focus and work hard for 5 minutes to ease the guilt of talking and surfing all morning. I also wonder how my friends get any work done. For instance, my friend who's is an accountant is online all day long. I can't install IM, so I'll email her instead and she's quick to respond. If I'm online Thursday afternoons I can chat with her for at least 30 minutes on 3-4 separate occasions, and I KNOW I'm not the only one she's talking to. For the longest time I felt bad about her putting in so many hours of over time, I now take back my sympathy(gosh, I hope she misses this entry, I'll get an ear full). In fact, I take it ALL back from you people who work on the computer and B**** about the over time you have to do. Oh, back to movies, I watched Secret Window with Johnny Depp in it. It was good, but became predictable 3/4 ways through, and I REALLY don't like predictable mystery movies, but I do like Johnny Depp as an actor.

Not another bad movie

I don't think I can handle another bad movie. This is subjective of course, but ever since I got that blockbuster pass I've been averaging 2 movies a week. It was about 2 weeks ago that I watched 4 movies in a week, 4 bad movies to be exact. I rented Lost in Translation because it won lots of awards and I heard it was funny. Has anyone seen that movie? What's so funny about it? I had to fast forward through half of it 'cuz it was killing me. I watched Up Town Girls the day before, during the movie I started multitasking by reading magazines, chatting online (the computer is 15 ft away) and letting the movie run till the end so I can say I watched it. Ok, what was next? OH Club Dread! who on earth picked up that movie? It was not me. Then I watched Pieces of April which was about as bad as Lost in Translation. I do pick up odd movies once in a while just to see what they're about, but I got carried away with this Blockbuster pass. I desperately need to watch Troy this weekend. I heard it wasn't that good either, but there is no such thing when Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom is in it! I LOVE YOU BRAD! I LOVE YOU ORLANDO!

The devil wears PRADA

No, i'm not reading that book, but it just sounds like a good title.
MY BIGGEST PEEVE ! People who talk about designer clothes and accessories as if they’re image depends on it? “ooh, I got the latest LV wallet and it was $10 million dollars (echo)” Oh my gosh, what the hell is wrong with you? Don’t BRAG! You talk about it just like someone who’s never seen an automatic toilet flusher before. And those stupid LV, GUCCI, FENDI, COACH, D&B, monogram purses, you look like a friggin walking billboard! It’s so pretentious, men like that are just begging to be used. Know any men like that? I need a few sugar daddys. Oooh, btw, I just picked up this lovely Lavender D&B purse on Saturday, absolutely lovely.

something about left overs.

My co-worker and I agree, left overs are great. It's the satisfaction of having restaurant food at home. It's being able to eat out of the take out box with no dishes to clean up. It's the instant gratification of good food (depends on your left over) in 2 mintues out of the microwave. It's simply the best thing for the lazy person who doesn't know how to cook. Please don't automatically assume that I prefer day old meals, they're just great when you don't know how to cook, and you're out of canned soup or milk and cereal.

Uni shots

Who on earth concocted this drink? A piece of brown slimy UNI that looks like a tongue pulled off a cadaver with the combined texture of slime and peach, then drop a teaspoon full of bright round Ikura and lastly crack a quail egg then drown the whole thing in cold sake. Delicious? Yes, For everyone else in the room except me. I tried really hard hiding the need to vomit after chewing down my second shot. The uni was the last to go down! My mouth was fighting the reflex to spit the damn thing out as I stared at the delicious smiles on my friends faces. I think one of them might have caught my face turning green, maybe purple. The third shot was UNI free, the fourth shot was quail egg free, the 5th shot only had Ikura, I LOVE IKURA, but not in my sake. The verdict: Next time I’m bringing rice for my little bright round eggs and washing it down separately with sake.

meat

Just went to house of prime ribs tonight. What is it about meat that tastes so good? Is it the texture and the flavour? I do like the flavour of meat. I like them lightly marinated and thrown on the grill, Medium rare please. mmmmmmm.... meat.

first thoughts

I've kept a diary/journal all my life. It all started when I was 9 years old trying to learn English. I would write everyday practicing my spelling, which still needs work, and simply keeping a log of my daily events. Now I have an encyclopedia of my life. Due to recent events my friend suggested I start blogging. I had been writing furiously in my diary but it just doesn't seem to be good enough. I would write to myself, talk to myself and respond to myself. I'd go in circles and nothing gets resolved. So now i'm sharing my thoughts to the world. Actually, to nobody really since no one knows i'm blogging yet. duh.