We all know that people in general are on their best behavior when they meet someone new. They watch what they say, choose their verbiage, dress to impress, good mannerisms, put in extra efforts etc... But where do you draw the line between being on good behavior and no longer being yourself? Let's say you get into a situation where you are confronted to do something you normally don't do. Do you do it because you don't want to jeopardize the relationship? or do you stand your ground and do what you would normally do? If you choose the former, wouldn't you be giving the false impression of being someone you're not? The task doesn't have to be something that's out of your way. It could be as simple as watching a horror movie when you don't like them, but you watch it anyways. You have now presented yourself as one who enjoys horror movies. On the other extreme, you do things unwillingly (without the other knowing), but you do them anyways to try to impress. You go out of your way to purchase small items to appear thoughtful, you open doors, pull out chairs, keep your make up fresh..
Have you thought of the consequences when you can no longer tolerate to be who you aren't? How long can you keep this up? Until you get what you want? A few weeks/months after you get what you want? Meanwhile, The other person continues to expect you to open doors, receive little tokens of affection, curb your tongue etc... But the demand becomes overwhelming to you. S/He has suddenly become demanding. S/He has suddenly lost tolerance for who YOU are. S/He has changed. Or was it you that has returned from being what you're not?
3 comments:
wow - that's weird. this is exactly what i was thinking about last night! Imagine this: you marry this person! You think they're one way (because that's what they've presented) and, now that you're married, they feel like they don't have to 'keep up the act' - wouldn't that just suck???!!!! that's what i was thinking about in reference to me and he-who-must-not-be-named. he told me that he would keep the house tidy and he did - until we married. he would bbuy me flowers, cards, we would go out, he didn't watch sports, he would talk to me for hours. then - it all stopped. and he was so surprised when i told him i want a divorce. it's like - hello stupid - you're not the person i married! and, although you should be nice those first few months (and instinctively do) - you shouldn't totally be fake (or say that you'll do something that you don't intend on doing). don't you want people to like YOU for YOU?!
I agree with Mag. If you end up doing things that are too far from normal for you, it will blow up in everyone's face in the end. There's a difference between being a little extra thoughtful and being someone you know you're not. I'm sure it ends a lot of relationships.
Do what makes you happy and always be honest and respectful of other peoples feelings. Be considerate not over pleasing, be appreciative not expecting, and always be yourself!!! When Oliver met me, I continued to do the things I enjoyed, like drinking everyday and NOT watching horror movies with him - he still loves me for ME.
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