At a recent Toastmaster’s meeting a girl gave a speech titled “The 5 love languages.” The information she provided was simple yet profound. I’ve been in relationships where I’ve claimed that we were different, but I couldn’t explain how we were different. I pointed to communication differences, but I couldn’t get more detailed than that. Finally I just figured it was chemistry, as if we were made from different planets, Venus/Mars, Earth/Pluto. Despite how much we were in love we always struggled with the same subject of validating our feelings to eachother. Anyhow, after listening to her speech I learned how important it is to express our love in the same language, and how detrimental it could be when you don’t.
So, stealing from a web page…..
How many times do we hear about people not feeling loved by their partner, much to the partner’s surprise and frustration? According to Gary Chapman, author of “the Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” it is often the case that love is there and being expressed, but not in the “language” that the loved one understands. Each of us has a primary language of love…ways that we express love and things we see as expressions of love. If we can learn and use each other’s love language we can increase the quality in our relationships.
Gary identifies these five love languages as:
*Words of Affirmation. An unsolicited compliment, a kind word, and words of encouragement are very powerful. Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
*Quality Time. This means togetherness and personal connection, not just being physically nearby. Learn to have a quality conversation, really listening to each other. Take time to have fun together. Do things you each enjoy; explore new activities together.
*Receiving Gifts. The message here is that the gift giver was thinking of you and wanted to let you know. Expense is not the main thing – it’s the meaning. A favorite treat picked up on the way home or a card for no reason sends a priceless message.
*Acts of Service. Cooking, washing the car, laundry can be acts of love. Challenge the stereotypes. Doing something that is helpful to your loved one will be noticed, if it is their language of love.
*Physical Touch. A hug, a kiss, holding hands, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating love. Research indicates that positive physical contact is important to emotional health; some say you need four hugs a day.
Ways to identify your loved one’s “love language” is to pay attention to his/her complaints:
“you don’t spend enough time with me” = speaks of quality time
“you don’t tell me you love me” = speaks of words of affirmation
“You don’t hold me”=speaks of physical touch
You can also identify your loved one’s language by observing how they express their love to you.
What’s your love language?
7 comments:
that's weird, we were just talking to a friend about this on the other day. i'm a "words of affirmation" kinda guy. but that's cuz i'm insecure and needy.
like oliver said, this IS weird! we were having dinner with a g/f of ours and she mentioned this book she just read. i'm a "acts of service" kinda gal... but will accept "gifts" too of course.
Any girl (or girlS) who want to bestow upon me physical touching are more than welcome to. :-) Actually I react positively to all those things, I think. Or do we have to pick just one?
i dont think its just what you act positively to, but what you like to do for others... for me i like to give acts of service. hmm that didn't sound right.
I'm a words of affirmation, physical touch kind of person.
But if you're lucky, you may speak all 5 languages of love, so whatever it is your partner needs, you happen to have it and it comes out of you effortlessly.
I need them all...but who didn't know that?
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