It is already May. Already a year since....
After reading a few blogs I'm brought back to thoughts of where I am in life. I made a conscious decision to just enjoy life after I graduate. Or you can say I consciously made an excuse to drop my ambition and be a lazy ass. No regrets. Though, I have already gotten comfortable living off the lint in my pocket and am in dire need of getting my ass in gear. An old college friend called me out of the blue the other day. I told him my situation and his response was "what happened to you?" What happened to me?
When encouraging YN the potentials of being down here, I was reminded of all the nights I cried when I first moved down. Sobbing silently in that small tatami room. The sliding doors and plastic panels replacing the traditional paper sheets offered little privacy between my room and the living room. For 3 months I covered my head as I struggled to admit I missed my mom just like I did in kindergarten camp, my first night away from home. Every kid slept peacefully after our teacher’s good night kiss, and I continued to lay awake on the top bunk-bed after she tried to comfort me. She said I could call mom and go home, but I toughed it out (or might have just passed out, I could have been narcoleptic back then too).
Five years later, this city has shaped me in ways that home never could have done. The biggest change started with my old roommate DG. She exuded a confidence that I haven’t seen in anyone else. After living with her for 3 years I opened my mind to do things I was too shy to do. To be the dork only my family see’s. I tune into music I once thought was a waste of airtime. I simply became comfortable in my own skin. I grew stronger. I don’t think home could have pulled that out of me. People seem more concerned about their image up there.
So, reading what life after 30 wrote in her blog....I too have learned a few things...
I’ve learned that time will not stop when I sob in self pity.
I’ve learned that I can be more decisive when I’m honest with myself.
I’ve learned that whatever obstacle comes my way I always make it across whether stumbling or with ease.
I’ve learned how open minded, kind, generous, unconditionally loving people can be.
I’ve learned that the truth may hurt, but lies hurt much more.
I’ve learned that I may be a procrastinator, but I’m not a quitter.
Sadly,
I’ve learned that love doesn’t last forever. No matter how deep, I still move on.
I’ve learned that money does matter, that grandma was right, love will not feed my hunger.
I’ve learned how selfish, deceitful, judgmental, conniving people can be.
I’ve learned to be doubtful, cautious, guarded.
4 comments:
oh honey!... you're ganna make me cry. that was a good blog.
But... cheer up! it's friday!
ya... live and learn, right?
e- you're an awesome person and i would be blessed to have an ounce of your confidence! :)
Your kindergarten teacher kissed you guys goodnight? Mine never, but I'm not so certain that wasn't a good thing all the same.
Love and money aren't replacements for each other, of course. Sure, love ain't everything, but without it, there's really kind of nothing, huh. (I'm not talking necessarily about loving a person, but rather having a love in life.)
There's something about moving out of your parents' shelter and toughing it out on your own that you really can't capture any other way, in my view. I pulled a 3-year stint in Cali, and learned more about myself then than any of the 26 years before that. And I expect the next 3 are going to be humdingers!
In all, I've learned that learning about yourself is the best lesson ever, but you have to want to. And if you do, the lessons never end, not even if you want them to.
As for being the dork, my siblings can attest to my letting that out in front of them: I'm quite at peace with my Inner Dork.
Love and Money goes hand in hand. One cannot survive w/o the other.
That's why lessons learnt make you stronger. I learnt all those same lessons being down in the Bay Area as well...but the most difficult one I think I've learnt is that the world is full of selfish people, you just gotta be able to identify them and not let them take advantage of your big heart E. :) Come to NYC and you can start there!!! J/K.
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