sometimes I get so stressed I just need a smoke.

going solo

I want to believe that I always get what I want.

I want to believe it so that I'll have no reservations aiming high.

I wanted to work alone and I got it. Now I'm scared shitless.
That whole body sweat in the morning with my heart beating at a 100? It's not hot flashes, not my hot down blanket. I had to be told it's called an anxiety attack. I wake up every morning to an anxiety attack? Here I go... on my own, wish me luck.

It's Vancouver!

It's nice that so many movies are filmed in Vancouver. Every once in a while I always recognize a location, even if it's not a Vancouver landmark, just the streets, trees and homes remind me of how pretty the city is.

mom's so smart

i'm stuck doing online traffic school, that, and I'm so irritated at receiving my first ticket after 9 yrs in Cali. I'm surprised at the volume of contents they expect you to read. 5 chapters and over 100 pages per chapter. I'm so ADD I have about 5 tabs going on as I switch from FB, skype with my mom, traffic school reading (paragraph at a time) and shopping. After a few pages I tried to go back to a previous page on traffic safety and that's when I learned they don't let you go back. That's retarded, so once you "continue" to the following page you're expected to have taken notes and be ready for the chapter quizz? I let out a huge "F***" when I found out. Then mom says "why don't you start coping the pages? then the answers will all be there like an open book test" doh....thanks mom and Adobe

what do you do with someone who lacks accountability? I thought some people just don't know how to admit to their own mistakes, too much pride perhaps. But now I wonder if they even see the mistakes they have made. It's impossible to reason with these types of people.

false hopes

I thought change was going to happen, but the only thing that's happening is us going in circles.
Nothing has changed.

oh yah....

SHIT IS GOING DOWN!!

very slowly and in circles

Because I have a stupid in the building.

ka boom

I'm about to explode.

There's a stupid in the building.
I can't stand stupid people.

$799 for a hike!

A few months ago the Travel Network had a episode on Havasu Falls near the Grand Canyon. It showed the gorgeous falls followed by the 2008 flash flood that nearly killed 5 people. The Canyon belongs to the Havasu Tribe. Near the evening of the flash fllood a local native gave a casual warning to over 200+ campers at the base, which no one took to heart. A few hours later the water level rose 5 ft and continued to climb till 2am. 5 campers were stranded on one side of the river, climbing on top of trees to save their own lives. Despite the suspense of the recap CB and I decided we wanted to go there, the falls were truly beautiful. We started our research and to reach the falls we have to drive to Hualapai Hilltop 70+ miles away from South Rim Grand Canyon. Guests must leave their cars there and either hike, horseback or helicopter to the village. The campsite is another 2 miles walk away. I thought it'll be easier and cheapest to go with a group but I was so wrong. Most organized tours charge $799 for 3 days 2 nights! They provide transportation from Flagstaff, mule transport for backpacks only, provide all gears and food. but for $799??? You still have to camp and eat camp food!! Cruise ships charge less than that for a week!

Screw that. We already own our gear so we're going to do it our way. 13 hour drive over night leaving Wednesday after work. Then hike our asses down 10miles in 80F+ heat. Carry our own food and water and if we're lucky we'll get to enjoy the falls by 1pm. Final cost excluding gas and food? $70. Where the hell do they charge $799? Even if we hired a mule to carry our backpacks it's only an additional $40.

update in a few weeks.

oh screw me.

That's it, I'm done. I spent the last four months sticking a thermometer in my mouth, peed on a stick, charted every event of my day, I have a reproductive book that I read over and over again and I'm completely baffled. I can't believe I spent so many years trying NOT to get pregnant just to find out it isn't that easy. I always wondered what the hell those couples were doing taking over a year to get pregnant. Now I know.

sweaty car

HOT HOT HOT I haven't had A/C in my car for the past two years and it's too expensive to fix. Not sure if I can bear another summer.... can't decide if I should fix it or tough it through another summer and look for a used car next year, or lease a car. CB's found a great website swapalease.com you can take over someone elses lease, some owners even offer a cash bonus!

Till then, I'll be losing weight in my mobile sauna.

True Blood

current HBO series that I'm additcted to.
Keeps my mind off shit.

It's time for another move.

Just eat it!

I was craving for deep fried chicken wings after running the Bay to Breakers. It was a HOT HOT run by the way, filled with lots of naked men. They must've really enjoyed the weather.

Anyhow, chicken wings. I wanted some kick ass Chicken Wings from this Chinese restaurant in the city but we ended up at Red Brick Pizza for some "healthy" baked chicken wings instead. That didn't satiate me at all so we ened up at KFC which was even worse. It's been a long long time since I had KFC and it'll be a very long time before I go back. We also tried the grilled chicken which is not good at all. Dont' be lazy, just go grill your own chicken.

Reminisce

Every now and then I really really miss home.
This time it was the low 70's weather with the cool breeze, blue sky and burst of greenery from the trees. I start to miss the summer days I walked out of my house to take Shaughn out for a walk. The fun midnight runs I take with some friends around Kits beach, then wrapping it up with fresh Segel's Bagels.

Everytime those memories return I always have to ask myself whether it's home I miss, or the simpler life I had.

short visit

My mom came to visit me for the first time in years. CB and I were quite happy to have her visit our place and my office since she's only seen pictures. My sister, brother in law and cousin came down the same weekend too. The visit was celebrated with lots of eating out and drinking. It's always nice to have relatives down, espeically mom, since I don't get to see her often. Then one by one left including CB for Vegas, suddenly I'm feeling all lonely and missing my mom. It's one of those relationships where I love her, but I'll need a bigger house in order to live with her. Maybe on her next visit our accomodations will be better.

bed to myself

CB is away this weekend and I get the bed all to myself. And when I wake up I get to turn on the TV and make all the noise I want.

vrooom hum...

that's the sound of our new Miele.
Our place is going to be so clean all the time because CB is going to vacuum everyday!

I remember the first time I learned of a Miele canister vacuum 8 years ago. My sister B came home giggly with her $1000+ vacuum that looked like a mouse (computer). What ridiculousness to have purchased something so expensive! My other sister and I stood back and watched as she demonstrated the ease of this mouse looking canister with a left click on the mouse to power on and a right click to retract the power cord. Then the ease of lugging the light weight machine up and down the stairs. Oh how happy she was as we watched her vacuum and chatted. The little mouse hummed so quietly as C and I laughed so hard. "Great, YOU can vacuum all the time"

After getting fed up with the pain of dumping water out of our Rainbow CB and I finally bought a Miele as well. Opting for something more affordable we first purchased a Simplicity Cinch vacuum which is sitting in the living room right now, still in its' box. that same day CB found the Miele Calisto for pretty much the same price. We're both happy, this new puppy better not let us down. I expect it to last 20+ years, like my car.

not a size small

My legs felt a bit weird. I couldn't sleep soundly at night, that pain around my legs... it's not sciatica, I know what sciatica should feel like. This doesn't not feel like some kind of shooting pain down my leg. It's more of a discomfort around my leg, shingles maybe? I'm being overly dramatic.
What is this feeling?? It's hard to describe at first, the feeling is new to me, it's constricting, tight, almost creating a rash at the same time.
oh, I know what it is.
*sigh* my underwear is too tight. I'm not a size small anymore.

Nine Dollars

It's the 16th of February and I have $9 left in my pocket. I blame Valentine's Day for the rapid spending. Trying to budget myself makes everything seem so damn expensive. But it does help put things in perspective for me, I'm starting to see where all the little expenditures are adding up. Like the Egg tarts I bought yesterday for $1.50 each and the Chestnut cream tart for $3.75 and the Red Bean bun. It wasn't my lunch but I wanted them, and I ate all three in half an hour just to feel horribly guilty about the calories I consumed. I could've saved myself 10 bucks and 1000 Calories if I just didn't step into the bakery shop.

sensitive eggs....

I woke up a little earlier than CB this morning to prepare some pancakes and eggs for Valentine's breakfast. The pancakes obviously took a little more preparation but it was the eggs that took the beating, verbally. CB likes them over medium, slightly soft and almost runny. I like mine soft and NOT runny, but I'm not that picky. It's amazing how upset some eaters get when their eggs are not done right. CB didn't get upset, but he was sure surprised when the eggs didn't come out the way he likes it. Seriously, it's a difference of 30 seconds on the grill? or 20 seconds? Am I supposed to watch the eggs? time it? what?

Three hundred

Let me see if this will work.
A year ago I read about a couple that decided to end all spendings for a year. They only purchased essentials and cut their entertainment to a minimum.
Well, I'm on a mission to pay off my credit cards so I'm going see if I can keep my spendings to $300 a month. That excludes gas and 'business expenses'.

I typically charge everything onto my credit card, then I pay this big bill and wonder how I managed to rack up a bill. Everything seems important on that bill, gas, groceries, little things here and there, eating out ever so often. There's nothing extravagant on there but all those line items add up.

Feb 1st is the start date. I have $291 in my wallet now. $9 was spent eating out on Day 1.

Boar Brushes

I picked up two boar brushes at a spa sale. It's supposed to help clean hair better and spread natural oils down the hair to bring out shine. The brushes are much more expensive than regular synthetic brushes, but I have to say they are worth it! My hair is much shinier.
While I'm on the subject of high prices products, CB purchased Creme de La Mer for my sister as a christmas gift. I always thought these ridiculously high priced skin care products are full of shit. Using expensive ingredients that weren't valid for their purpose. The Creme de la Mer purchase came with two small samples. Those two small samples probably cost $20 each, considering how expensive the full sized bottle is. The samples lasted 4 weeks and it cleared the dark sun spots on my skin! OK It does work, but I'm not going to spend $100+ on a 1ounce jar, atleast not yet.

closet space

I'm trying to declutter. I have to admit, I'm quite messy. Not to be associated with dirty! I'm just messy. This year is about decluttering, lots of electronic and clothing donations. Get rid of junk mail immediately. Keep everything filed away. Put things back immediately after I use them. Clean regularily.

Part of my decluttering involved reorganizing my closet. I looked around for closet organizers and on picture all these closets look clean and tidy. Then I started to get irritated! In picture this person only has 5 shirts, 5 slacks, 5 pairs of shoes and some sweaters and jackets. That's it!
Stupid advertisement. I'll just store my clothes in a container and put them on rotation with the season.