fake and bake

Yesterday I tried fake tanning for the first time. There are two tanning booths available at my gym and I thought I'd give it a shot. I wanted to lesson the contrast between my dark arms and white body. Anyhow, stepped in for 7 minutes, all the lights switched on. I felt like I was going to roasted alive. Those white lights are kind of freaky. Anyhow, it obviously worked, but my shoulder got slightly burned! How did that happen? Isn't it suppose to give you an even tan?

dream me a dream

"If DREAMS can be purchased, what dream would you buy? " I immediately thought of my favourate dream. I was at a carnival at night and everything was free! all the crazy rides and games. Then I was given wings and I could fly! I flew over the water and mountains oooh so fun, but then came the sad part. I flew back to the carnival and landed outside a pastry shop. There beyond the glass counter laid dozens of delicious pastries, I could have as many as I want, anything that I want, but I walked away 'cuz I DIDN'T WANT TO GET FAT! wah.... crap, if I knew it was a dream I would've eaten EVERYTHING. I have a crazy sweet tooth, and if i could have any dream, I'd dream that I was in some kick ass pastry shop and I could eat all that I want and not get fat=)

Sugar in the raw

This is the way I like my coffee.  Let's start with the coffee itself.  I like it bold, not strong, but bold tasting, Sumatra, Brazil Ipanema Bourbon from Starbucks are my faves.  Tall cup with room for cream please, $1.35.  Now, to perfect it.  1 package of Sugar in the raw, then half and half.  How much half and half? hm.. just open the spout and say pour pour pour stop.  The important addition here is the sugar.  The flavour of the coffee changes with the type of sugar you use.  I usually keep a few packages of Sugar in the raw with me 'cuz not every coffee shop carries it.  It's a little silly, but white sugar ruins the coffee for me.

Walk with me

It was 12am and we decided to get off our lazy ass and go.  I finally figured out how to get there.  280, exit Edgewood Rd.  head west and you'll hit a T-stop.  There's gravel parking on both sides.  Parks close at sunset (8pm) but we pulled out one flashlight and headed into the darkness.  The light flashed past the sign "Edgewood trail" It's an easy trail during the day, but you hear all sorts of animals rustling in the bushes at night.  They seem to sound louder when you can't see anything.  We nearly walked through a 6 foot spider web made by a big brown spider spanning 2 inch in diameter.  Actually, we did walk through one of its' anchors to the ground.  We kept walking further into the darkness.  A mile down we came under the 280 bridge, the light from the bridge only made the passage darker than it is.  We walked through scavenging the darkness with the flashlight.  I kept looking back, paranoid that something dirty (as they say in Chinese) was following me.  But I know very well that when walking down a path, to never look back (that's what all the movies say). I highly doubt there's any homeless people under here, there are wire fences paralleling us, but that's not what I fear.  The speeding traffic above was a constant reminder that we're not in the middle of nowhere.  But still, no one will hear my scream if I did.  We came out of the darkness and into the open.  The dark hill laid in front of us.  If we hiked up, there's a bench we can rest on and stare up at the stars.  I looked up at the over cast shading the moon, then over to the darkness.  I was tired, not from the walk, but from my heart racing since we started the trail.  My heart was tired from being scared.   I didn't want to walk through the canopy of darkness, it wasn't worth it, plus the fog started to cover the moon and it was getting darker.  "next time" I said.  I'm too paralyzed to continue.  We headed back to the car.  It really wasn't that bad of a walk.  It was exciting, and I've always liked the drive down Canada Rd.  No matter how eerie the night can be, there's something very serene about the the fog rolling over the hills meeting the reflection of the moon on the lake.  I'll have to run that trail more often, get to know it better and next time, when the sky's clear, it'll be worth it.

Pessimist

somedays at work I wonder if I went into the wrong profession.  I've got this friend who's always worried about losing his job.  He's says it jokingly, but he says it so much that I can't tell if he's joking or not.  He says lots of things jokingly and very repetitive too.  At first I think he's just a joker, now I think maybe he's just very pessimistic and doesn't realize that it's not all that bad.  I know it can be stressful thinking you're might be let go, but it's a little hard to feel sympathetic for someone who got a raise for doing 2 hours of work a day, then is still getting paid for doing nothing right now.  What a life.

Free

I was listening to Switchfoot in the car this morning.  The volume was up as usual and I sang to the lyrics

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead, yesterday is a promise that you've broken, don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes, this is your life and today is all you've got now,  and today is all you'll ever have, don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes, this is your life, are you who you want to be?  this is your life, are you who you want to be? is this everything you dreamed you'd be when your world was younger and you had everything you need.
 
Then I thought of where I am in my life, this isn't exactly where I thought I'd be, emotionally, financially or physically.  I thought I'd be married by now, in V-city and I should be getting pregnant about.. now, 'cuz I wanted two kids before 30.  Instead, I'm single, in SF and still going through PMS.   But I got to work this morning loving life 'cuz for a rare moment in my life I'm free of all attachments.  I'm not rushing to get my homework done so I can talk to my bf at night.  I'm not planning my work outs so I can rush home to be with him. I don't cancel plans with friends anymore.  I don't have be the "good girl" he prefers.  I don't have to hide Mari anymore.  I never made him center of my world, but he was #1 priority. I can spontaneous drive off for a hike and not feel guilty that I should spend what little time I have with him.  I told him I didn't move down for him, but the truth is I did.  Now, I can move anywhere I want.  Instead of saving up to buy him presents, I'm going to buy myself an "X bf birthday gift" on all my X's b-days.  I have spacial, temporal and emotional freedom.  I had a glimpse of it exactly 3 years ago and I had let it go too easily.  There will probably come a point in time where this "freedom" turns into "loneliness" but not right now, not for awhile.  This is my time to figure out who I am and what I want.  Having said all that, if I meet Prince Charming tomorrow, hee hee bring it on baby.

ORC-Oatmeal Rasin Cookies

I have found the BEST, the absolutely, most delicious OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES in the UNIVERSE. This is according to the highest Head Dump sweet tooth standards. The cookie is crunchy around the edges and soft in the center. Two different raisins and I think he adds Molasses... oh Pierre, you're my favourite baker in the world. His danish, croissants, muffins etc. are good too.

Here's the addy: Crepe & Brioche Bakery 1040 Revere Ave. San Francisco, CA 94124 #415-822-2287.

I've got cookies, I've got Lychee Liquer which has become my favourite liquer, I could add that thing in juice and have a GREAT night. COOKIES, LIQUER let's get BAKED

blue day

Today is a bad day.  No No NO.. must be positive.  Today is a F*ckn GREAT day. There are ants in my car.  I see one everyday and it's not the same one 'cuz I squish it every time I see it.  I'm afraid to look under the seat 'cuz you know those guys don't travel alone, there's probably a colony of them eating at some dead bug I brought in.  OH NO! It must be those peanut butter cookies I've been eating in the car last week!  Those cookies were really crumbly, pieces would fall off on to my lap then bounce off.  I figured it'll land between the wedge of my thigh and the seat, but NO it bounces further and off the seat to the floor.  I'll need to do some vacuuming.     I went to the gym during lunch as usual, hoping I could clear the cloud in my head but I walked out feeling *duh* I might have used up all the glucose in my brain.  blue blue blue... I was watching TV while on the steps and the show was about men cheating on all these beautiful women.. Halle Berry (cheated by all 3 hubbys), Elizabeth Hurley, Jennifer Lopez, Uma Thurman.  I just don't get it.  

The whole office is blogging.  I walked back from an adjustment and BLOGS are on every screen.  We better kick this habit before the Boss gets back. 

point form

Someone told me I'm very emotionally driven.  what does that mean exactly? That I base my decisions on how I feel? Am I less logical? less rational? It's not a bad thing is it? I do need to be a little realistic though.  Day dream a little too much, plenty of REM sleep, sometimes I confuse my dreams with reality.  At worse I wake up screaming from nightmares.  Or getting upset at the person oops... I'll need to find someone who's a deep sleeper.

Latest CD addictions: Toby Lightman, Nickelback, Switchfoot, Cold Play.  There are days when I'm fuming and I need to vent.  I go for a run and I need some music to help me kick butt. R&B, Hip Hop, Rap just doesn't cut it.  I'll Blast Nickelback-Someday, i'll sing with it between breaths (this is trail running of course) and feel that extra rush, I could breath deeper, I can feel my lungs stretch, my quads burning then I slow down, my heart still racing, and it feels good.  I'm going to aim for a marathon by the end of this year, mm.. let's change that to early next year.

It's strange how an apology that's supposed to bring you closer together instead amplifies your differences. 

The Boss is out of town.  The clinic is in my command! muah ha  ha ..Got a massage during my working hours.  I'm loving life right now.

My big ND

I just realized my indecisiveness has become a big problem.  It’s has become so big that I shall now call it my big ND.  ND has developed to a stage where it now consumes me to where I can barely function.  For example, when I go shopping for something specific, I have to go by myself.  I’m afraid my ND would drive my friends crazy.  I think the response  “I dunno, I’m indifferent ” aka ND, drives people crazy too, but hey, at least I won’t get a headache trying to make up my mind.  Now, I’m faced with the option of moving or not.  The new place is lovely, closer to work, to the gym, but pricier.  I like where I’m at now, I’m comfortable, I’m not sure why I even want to move (um.. didn’t I just give some reasons? Anyway..) I’m so sick of moving.  Gosh, I sound like I’m moving out of the country or something. To move or not to move? There’s obviously a lot of other questions I ask myself but I can’t seem to narrow down my decision.  And now I can’t work!  Oh dang it. And now I’m starting to think of other things.  How long am I going to be here for? This was not my plan.  Is this where I want to be? What am I doing to myself?  Why did I ever stay? I should have gone home as planned? I feel so unsettled, so behind, so aimless, so lost.  I just want a place to call my own, a place to call home. oh boo hoo why am I getting so sentimental? Must be that time of month again…. sniff sniff.. I want my mommy.

Goblins and ghosts and demons oh my

Hello, my name is Eva, I'm 27 and I have nyctophobia and all the spooky stuff that comes with it. 
 
I planned my Monday night to be relaxing.  I will cook some pasta, have a glass of red wine and watch a movie.  Except, when I got home I found out my roomie picked up Gothika.  (My roomie and I share the Blockbuster pass and we'll rent movies and leave them on the kitchen counter for the other).  With dinner made, wine in hand I stared at the DVD.  A voice inside my head whispered "grow up you wimp".  I will be brave, it might not be that bad. I thought Secret Window was going to be scary and it wasn't!  I popped in the DVD, turned around to bring my food to the couch and the scene selection with the scary music immediately started.  WTF! where are the previews to warm me up? Things are starting to get spooky already.  I stared at the screen and faces of actors and actresses faded in and out to the beat of rhythmic static. Then it ended (zip.. static static.. ugly faces pops in and out of the screen) ok, that's enough!   The 2 minutes worth ruined my night already.  I stopped the DVD, I couldn't even pull the DVD out, I didn't want to see Halle Berry's freaked out face on the DVD.  Images of faces from other horror flicks started running through my head, specifically from The exorcist .

Parent's shouldn't allow their 6 year olds to watch The Exorcist.  That's just wrong. Now I'm all jacked 'cuz of stuff like that. 
 
I also have Lygophobia, Myctophobia, Philophobia, Arachibutyrophobia,  Pneumatiphobia, Pnigerophobia, Daemonophobia, brontophobia, Arachibutyrophobia and maybe, Anutaphobia.

can I help you...

find your balls?  I know women's position in today's society has changed a lot, but I was raised in a very traditional family where I wasn't even allowed to work till I forcefully convinced my dad in 2nd year college so I can start the co-op program.  I know in many families women have now become the bread-winner and/or "wear the pants" in the relationship.  But, that doesn't sit well with me.  I'm a blend of aiming to be the bread-winner,  while holding onto what the traditional wife should be (ironically, I can't cook).  I feel strange watching men succumb to their partner or ask for their "permission".  This one guy had to call his wife 6 times over the phone then he made me speak to her 3 times before coming to a decision.  It took an hour to settle his case.  I understand couples make decisions WITH their partner or COMPROMISE with their partner, but this was more along the lines of.. "I have to ask my mommy first".  I walked out of that meeting afraid I might step on the balls he left behind, but then realized I've been in those situations several times with women and felt their indecisiveness was justifiable.  How can I be this way?  So, back to my dad.  He used to tell me "don't worry about working or money, I'll take care of that.  You need to focus on school, then find a good husband"  I used to get very angry when he said that, I never wanted a husband like my dad.  Now, I've changed my mind. I would love a husband who says "don't worry about work or money, I'll take care of that, just focus on shopping and taking care of the kids" and I'll smile with the cutest eyes and say "ok sugar"

Just a journal entry

It's been a long time since I had one of those weekends that seem to last too long, yet feel like it wasn't long enough.  Would that mean it was eventful? Sure, why not.  The weekend felt...how should I put it? Smoky? and dizzy? But despite all that, I still remember hi-lights of Saturday night when I was drunk.  It's awful when all you remember are embarrassing things. I seem to get louder with increasing number of drinks (though not as loud as some people).  I didn't know alcohol enhances your vocal abilities.  Anyhow, message to myself "shut up when you're drunk"

Quizno and Fandango

Unfortunately, Troy is out of the theaters, I've just lost my chance to watch Brad Pitts' butt on the big screen. *sigh*  While I was searching for theaters that was still showing the movie, the Fandango commercial came into mind.  Now, I'm no marketing major and anyone who knows me would agree my knowledge of business is rather elementry, but someone once told me that if an advertisement catches your attention, good or bad, has done it's job.  Well, I never found those talking brown lunch bags with nasal voices to be funny.  In fact, I find them very annoying and stupid.  It bugs me every time I have to watch it. But that’s not as lame as the Quizno commercials with those freaky googly eye looking potatoes (are they potatoes?) THAT is freaky! Who would want to eat a Quizno after seeing those bulgy eyed retarded freaks!?  I used to like Quizno, but not after that commercial. 

1/2 day Thursdays

Thursdays are my favourite. I sit here doing paper work and I get to surf the net. Usually the Boss isn't here so I also chat with Mag all morning. On the rare occasion we feel the need to focus and work hard for 5 minutes to ease the guilt of talking and surfing all morning. I also wonder how my friends get any work done. For instance, my friend who's is an accountant is online all day long. I can't install IM, so I'll email her instead and she's quick to respond. If I'm online Thursday afternoons I can chat with her for at least 30 minutes on 3-4 separate occasions, and I KNOW I'm not the only one she's talking to. For the longest time I felt bad about her putting in so many hours of over time, I now take back my sympathy(gosh, I hope she misses this entry, I'll get an ear full). In fact, I take it ALL back from you people who work on the computer and B**** about the over time you have to do. Oh, back to movies, I watched Secret Window with Johnny Depp in it. It was good, but became predictable 3/4 ways through, and I REALLY don't like predictable mystery movies, but I do like Johnny Depp as an actor.

Not another bad movie

I don't think I can handle another bad movie. This is subjective of course, but ever since I got that blockbuster pass I've been averaging 2 movies a week. It was about 2 weeks ago that I watched 4 movies in a week, 4 bad movies to be exact. I rented Lost in Translation because it won lots of awards and I heard it was funny. Has anyone seen that movie? What's so funny about it? I had to fast forward through half of it 'cuz it was killing me. I watched Up Town Girls the day before, during the movie I started multitasking by reading magazines, chatting online (the computer is 15 ft away) and letting the movie run till the end so I can say I watched it. Ok, what was next? OH Club Dread! who on earth picked up that movie? It was not me. Then I watched Pieces of April which was about as bad as Lost in Translation. I do pick up odd movies once in a while just to see what they're about, but I got carried away with this Blockbuster pass. I desperately need to watch Troy this weekend. I heard it wasn't that good either, but there is no such thing when Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom is in it! I LOVE YOU BRAD! I LOVE YOU ORLANDO!

The devil wears PRADA

No, i'm not reading that book, but it just sounds like a good title.
MY BIGGEST PEEVE ! People who talk about designer clothes and accessories as if they’re image depends on it? “ooh, I got the latest LV wallet and it was $10 million dollars (echo)” Oh my gosh, what the hell is wrong with you? Don’t BRAG! You talk about it just like someone who’s never seen an automatic toilet flusher before. And those stupid LV, GUCCI, FENDI, COACH, D&B, monogram purses, you look like a friggin walking billboard! It’s so pretentious, men like that are just begging to be used. Know any men like that? I need a few sugar daddys. Oooh, btw, I just picked up this lovely Lavender D&B purse on Saturday, absolutely lovely.

something about left overs.

My co-worker and I agree, left overs are great. It's the satisfaction of having restaurant food at home. It's being able to eat out of the take out box with no dishes to clean up. It's the instant gratification of good food (depends on your left over) in 2 mintues out of the microwave. It's simply the best thing for the lazy person who doesn't know how to cook. Please don't automatically assume that I prefer day old meals, they're just great when you don't know how to cook, and you're out of canned soup or milk and cereal.

Uni shots

Who on earth concocted this drink? A piece of brown slimy UNI that looks like a tongue pulled off a cadaver with the combined texture of slime and peach, then drop a teaspoon full of bright round Ikura and lastly crack a quail egg then drown the whole thing in cold sake. Delicious? Yes, For everyone else in the room except me. I tried really hard hiding the need to vomit after chewing down my second shot. The uni was the last to go down! My mouth was fighting the reflex to spit the damn thing out as I stared at the delicious smiles on my friends faces. I think one of them might have caught my face turning green, maybe purple. The third shot was UNI free, the fourth shot was quail egg free, the 5th shot only had Ikura, I LOVE IKURA, but not in my sake. The verdict: Next time I’m bringing rice for my little bright round eggs and washing it down separately with sake.

meat

Just went to house of prime ribs tonight. What is it about meat that tastes so good? Is it the texture and the flavour? I do like the flavour of meat. I like them lightly marinated and thrown on the grill, Medium rare please. mmmmmmm.... meat.

first thoughts

I've kept a diary/journal all my life. It all started when I was 9 years old trying to learn English. I would write everyday practicing my spelling, which still needs work, and simply keeping a log of my daily events. Now I have an encyclopedia of my life. Due to recent events my friend suggested I start blogging. I had been writing furiously in my diary but it just doesn't seem to be good enough. I would write to myself, talk to myself and respond to myself. I'd go in circles and nothing gets resolved. So now i'm sharing my thoughts to the world. Actually, to nobody really since no one knows i'm blogging yet. duh.